


Some Vampires Still Need Glasses

by son_of_a_bitch_spn_family



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec is done, Alec is scarred for life, But he also feels things, From Relunctant Partners to Fuck Buddies to Sad Bois, Izzy is scary, Jace Is A Little Shit, Jace is bisexual, Jaces heart beats really fast a lot, Lets just start there, Light Angst, M/M, Oblivious Simon, Set in canon, Simon always catches feelings doesnt he, Simon feeds Jace a cookie and its really sexy, clary is supportive, smut with feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 17:19:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 30,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18921556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/son_of_a_bitch_spn_family/pseuds/son_of_a_bitch_spn_family
Summary: Jace is, without a doubt, the single handedly most infuriating person Simon has ever had the displeasure of knowing. He's rude, cocky, and has absolutely no depth. When he's not silently brooding, he's looking at Simon as if he's not worth the dirt beneath his shoes. He's the worst.Simon desperately wants to see him naked.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This just kinda flowed outta me, so here we are. For those of you - if there are any of you in this category - who are reading Life Is But A Dream (my other Jimon fic), don't worry, that's already written and is still being posted regularly; this is just my interlude ;)
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

Jace is, without a doubt, the single handedly most infuriating person Simon has ever had the displeasure of knowing. He's rude, cocky, and has absolutely no depth. When he's not silently brooding, he's looking at Simon as if he's not worth the dirt beneath his shoes. He's the worst. 

 

Simon  _ desperately  _ wants to see him naked. 

 

Okay, look, it's not his fault. Vampire or no, he's still a guy who's barely over eighteen, and he isn't exactly blind - in fact, he's got perfect eyesight now, due to dying and being forced to a full diet of blood. 

 

Jace is unfairly,  _ rudely  _ attractive. His hair frames his stupid jaw - which could probably cut glass. He's shorter than Alec and Simon, but taller than Clary and Izzy, though only by an inch on the latter. The width of his shoulders are criminal as far as Simon's concerned, and he's just- he's  _ sturdy.  _

 

At first, Simon hadn't even noticed. Behind his glasses, he'd only had eyes for Clary - blind in more ways than one. He'd known, objectively, that Jace was attractive back then too, but he hadn't been kicked in the teeth with it. Mostly, he'd been hot with envy and bitterness, because of course the girl of his dreams wanted the guy who made the depictions of Apollo, the mythological greek god of the sun, pale in comparison.

 

Becoming a vampire, amongst other things, had officially snatched those blinders right off. Once his goal to make Clary his was fulfilled and lost, Simon had to quickly adjust to the fact that his flippant anger towards Jace's entire… well,  _ everything  _ had abruptly morphed into grudging craving. 

 

He'd been fine, right up until this very moment. 

 

“Come again?” Simon asks one more time, because he's seconds from questioning his sanity,  _ sure  _ that he didn't just hear what his brain thinks he did. 

 

Jace crosses his arms, lips pressed into a thin line, his cheek jumping from how hard he's clenching his jaw. “I'm not saying it again, Simon. We're about to turn down this alley and pretend we’re making out.”

 

“Okay, um, why are we- wait, I don't think that's a good idea,” Simon blurts, even as Jace hooks his hand over Simon's elbow and yanks him into the alley as they move towards it. 

 

“We're being followed.” 

 

“Oh no. Are we- who's following- is it-”

 

Jace backs him against the brick wall with one hand bracing against the space beside Simon's head, while the other pushes firmly against his chest, holding him in place. Simon is trying to lean forward to look, but Jace just slams him back with a stern gaze. He carelessly presses his body into Simon's, as if it's an afterthought, as if that doesn't immediately take precedence in Simon's scrambled mind. 

 

“Shut up,” Jace hisses, eyes narrowed as he stares at the gaping entrance of the alley. 

 

“Jace, I-” 

 

_ “Shut up.”  _

 

Simon shuts up. 

 

If his heart was capable of racing right now, it would be galloping right out of his chest. Jace is pressed firmly against him, his arm blocking Simon's face as he stares towards the mouth of the valley. Jace's heart isn't racing at all, which is all levels of unfair and disheartening. He doesn't even seem to care that they're pressed together. 

 

“Jace,” Simon whispers, unable to shut up for very long, “who is it?” 

 

“Vampire,” Jace tells him, voice clipped. “I think the hunt just got flipped. We're the prey now.” 

 

“But  _ I'm  _ a vampire; why would she want me?” 

 

“She  _ doesn't  _ want you, Simon, she wants me. Keep up. You should be used to that by now.” 

 

And okay, that's a low blow. Simon reaches out and hikes up a the hem of Jace's shirt to reveal a sliver of skin. Before Jace can so much as react, Simon pinches a thin piece of flesh hard between his fingers. Jace jolts and jerks his head around to glare at him; Simon narrows his eyes. 

 

“That was rude,” Simon reprimands. 

 

Jace drops the hand from Simon's chest and smacks his hand away from his skin. “If you blow our cover right now, I  _ swear  _ I'm going to-” 

 

“Wait, I can- oh, she's wearing heels.” 

 

“How far away?” 

 

“Maybe a few steps,” Simon breathes, eyes going wide when Jace's eyes flick to the end of the alley, completely in Shadowhunter mode. “She's almost-” 

 

Jace suddenly leans into him harder and buries his face into the left side of his throat. Simon's words get lost in a garbled mess of syllables as the hand not pressed against the wall lands on his stomach, palm broad and warm just above his belt. The heels  _ click, click, click  _ closer and closer, but Simon can't focus on that with Jace's breath pooling over his throat. 

 

“Touch me,” Jace orders quietly. 

 

Panicking, Simon does. He lifts shaking hands to the broad sweep of Jace's back and fists them in the back of Jace's soft shirt. Jace releases a soft, mocking laugh - the exhale caresses where his pulse should be throbbing. Simon can't help it, he  _ really  _ can't; dead or not, his body still works with desire, so he's basically screwed at tamping down his reactions. 

 

Jace  _ obviously  _ thinks this is hilarious, just by the way he huffs hot breaths of laughter against his throat, seeming amused by the fact that Simon's basically a trembling mess pinned beneath him. When they get out of this, Simon is going to chalk it up to nerves about the impending sense of doom that comes with the sound of heels drawing closer. It's a lie, but Jace doesn't need to know that. 

 

Lips suddenly press against the skin of his throat, just a light pressure- warm and affecting him pretty much instantly. Simon jolts so hard that one of his hands releases Jace's shirt as his elbow knocks into the brick wall behind him. Simon can feel Jace's lips curl into a smirk against his skin. 

 

“Jace, she's- what are you-” 

 

The hand resting against his lower belly slides up his chest, twining up his neck and fisting at the top of his hair. Simon's eyes go wide and his lips part when Jace jerks his head to the side by his hair. The light touch of lips suddenly isn't so light anymore, spreading hot and warm as Jace's tongue presses firm against the arch of his neck. Teeth scrape, tugging on skin, nipping a bit too hard. 

 

Simon clings to the back of Jace's shirt with one hand and presses his other to the cool brick behind him, holding himself upright. Jace is relentless, sucking at the skin of his neck as if that's the true mission here today. But it  _ isn't.  _ The true mission is turning down the alleyway, her heels  _ click, click, clicking  _ faster as she approaches. 

 

Simon attempts to say something, to warn Jace, but his throat can't produce anything other than vague strangled sounds. Jace continues to suck a firm mark into his neck, oblivious to their impending death, and you know, Simon has the delirious thought that he's perfectly okay with that; he's going to die, but  _ shit,  _ what a way to go. 

 

Except, Jace is not oblivious at all. As soon as the vampire slides to a stop behind them, lunging forward to apparently rip Jace away and attack, Jace abruptly whirls around. Simon doesn't even have time to let go, or recover, so his right hand is still wrapped around him, now pressed against Jace's torso. He feels the muscles roll and tighten through the shirt as Jace raises his blade and lets the vampire impale herself. 

 

She disintegrates into nothingness and Simon is very,  _ very  _ still as Jace lowers his blade. 

 

“Bait,” Jace declares as he turns back around and takes a step back, lips curling into a satisfied smirk as Simon drops his hand. “We were playing bait.”

 

“You- I- that was mean,” Simon says weakly, voice shaking as he reaches up to touch the slightly sore spot on his neck. It's sore in the best way, tingles running an undercurrent beneath his skin. 

 

Jace's eyebrows shoot up. “You weren't complaining at the time.” 

 

Simon crosses his arms and swallows. “I wanna go home now.” 

 

Jace is apparently very amused by this, lips twitching into a taunting smile for a moment. Simon refuses to give anything else on the matter, just frowns and waits. Rolling his eyes, Jace puts away his blade and jerks his head, leading Simon back out of the alley that will haunt his dreams for awhile. 

 

They say nothing on the way back. 

 

With every step, Simon grows just a bit more angrier. Jace is calm as ever, back to his usual brooding self, completely unaffected by what just occurred. He should be thankful that he's not getting teased or mocked, but he's just irritated by Jace's aloofness about the whole situation. 

 

It's not as if they like each other - they don't. When Alec had started up the teams of downworlders and Shadowhunters, pairing them off to prove to the Clave that it's better, Simon had initially been stoked. He'd been  _ sure  _ that he'd be working with Clary, if not Izzy at the very least. Someone he actually liked and would trust to watch his back. 

 

But Alec had insisted that it had to be unlikely pairs, that it had to be a team the Clave couldn't pass off as something to do with chemistry or history. That's why Clary gets paired with Raphael, why Izzy is with Maia, why Alec regularly works with Meliorn, why Magnus has to partner with Underhill, and why Jace and Simon are stuck together. 

 

They had been  _ very  _ against that, but Alec refused to budge. So, Simon has spent the last six weeks working with Jace and wishing he wasn't. He's not really scared that Jace will let him get killed, not anymore, but he definitely doesn't have much fun. Jace is silent or snarky, no in between, and he seems as if he tolerates Simon at the bare minimum. 

 

Which, Simon isn't Jace's biggest fan either. Yeah, he has an annoying effect on his  _ body,  _ but that's a reaction from the wrong brain. His brain that knows better does  _ not  _ enjoy Jace that much. 

 

And this is too far. Simon is all for bait these days. It's actually pretty easy to do, usually. He normally stands around and jabbers on until the thing they're hunting finally comes out to attack. It had been nerve wracking the first few times, but Jace  _ always  _ keeps him from getting killed, doing most of the work in the process. Actually, they usually do the bait thing more often than not. 

 

But this is something else entirely. This is just, as he said before, _mean._ Jace acts as if it wasn't a big deal, easy as a nice breeze, like he didn't just suck a mark into his neck. And Simon _knows_ Jace hasn't spared one thought about it, just like he knows that Jace wasn't affected in the least. Which, that's _really_ pissing Simon off. 

 

“Here you are,” Jace mocks, walking Simon into his boathouse, waving a hand. “Home, safe and sound.” 

 

“You,” Simon declares, “are an asshole.” 

 

Jace blinks. “And you are the most annoying person on the planet, but you don't hear me pointing that out. You say I'm mean.” 

 

“You  _ are.  _ That was- what you did… it was mean. Very mean.” Simon frowns at Jace, feeling his own eyebrows crumble together. “I don't know why I thought you were, I dunno, different than my first impression. But you're just- you're mean.” 

 

“Oh, really?” Jace asks with a little huff of disbelief, arms uncrossing and hanging at his sides, eyes sparking with obvious anger. “I saved your life,  _ again,  _ like I always do.” 

 

“You expect me to say thank you? You- you gave me a hickey, Jace!” 

 

“So? It was a cover. You know, to  _ save your life.  _ Besides, consider yourself lucky; most people would if they get a hickey from me.” 

 

Simon waves his hands around wildly. “I'm not most people! I- I didn't  _ ask  _ for one!” 

 

“What's your problem?” Jace's face crumbles into amusement as he cocks his head. “Are you embarrassed? That's cute. Don't worry your pretty head over it, Simon. Everyone will be quick to believe you tripped and fell before they believe anyone actually  _ meant  _ to give you a hickey. Actually, I think it's starting to go away, so-” 

 

“I'm a vampire, it's healing, and that's  _ not  _ the point, Jace,” Simon blurts out, jerking his hands out towards him. “You- you can't just  _ do  _ things like that. It's not- you didn't even-” 

 

Jace's face lights up with understanding. “Oh,” he says, smile turning into that cocky grin that has no business being as attractive as it is, “you liked it. That's why you're- well, that explains a lot. Relax, Simon, it's not your fault you like me, most people do. Nothing to be ashamed of. It's completely-” 

 

Simon reaches out and fists his hand in Jace's shirt, yanking him around and shoving him against the wooden beam holding the canoos in place. Jace's eyebrows hike up, his arms spreading wide, looking delighted by the prospect of a fight. But Simon isn't going to fight him. Oh no, he's going to give him a taste of his own medicine. 

 

“You think this is some joke?” Simon asks sharply, pressing forward and backing Jace more firmly into the beam. “You just assume your very touch is a gift from the heavens.” 

 

“Well,  _ yeah-”  _

 

“How would you like it? Seriously, how would you feel if I just-” 

 

Jace never really backs down from any challenge, so he grins and cuts Simon off. “As if you could. What, you think you have even a little bit of the charm I do? I have more sex appeal in my pinky than you do in any portion of your body.  _ Bring it on.”  _

 

So, Simon does. 

 

Unlike Jace, he does not keep it light from the beginning. Without preamble, Simon shoves his knee between Jace's legs and crashes his mouth over those annoyingly perfect lips. Jace jerks back, eyes going wide, but Simon just chases his lips, pressing in rough and using both hands to grasp each of Jace's wrists and push them up above them. 

 

Jace could turn his head, could buck Simon off him if he really wanted to, could just as easily tell him to stop, and it would immediately be over, but Jace really never backs down. So, he takes the assault with a little grunt, his whole body pulled taut like a overtuned guitar string. 

 

Simon isn't messing around, not about this. He doesn't know why. Well, okay, he  _ does.  _ He's a dead, hot-blooded male with a chance to get handsy with someone he doesn't really like but is irreversibly attracted to. He'll probably regret it later, but for right now, he's getting lost in the challenge.

 

With determination, Simon pries Jace's lips open with his own, tongue sweeping out to taste, and  _ of course,  _ even the inside of Jace's mouth is perfect. It's silky, hot, inviting, and tastes faintly of vanilla. 

 

“Stop squirming,” Simon orders breathlessly, pulling away for a brief moment. 

 

Jace blinks, opens his mouth like he's going to say something, and Simon really isn't in the mood to hear it. He dives back in and plunders Jace's mouth relentlessly. It's when he tightens his grip on Jace's wrists above them and nips his bottom lip that he hears it. Just a solid  _ thump, thump  _ that Simon can feel as if its his own. 

 

Jace's heart starts speeding up, the steady thump picking up speed and thudding louder and heavier. 

 

Simon is so utterly smug about this, about finally getting a reaction, that he curls closer and kisses him harder. Jace is kissing back now, his head tilting to allow Simon to deepen the kiss, his tongue tentatively moving out to touch his. Simon pulls back just slightly to capture Jace's bottom lip between his teeth and tug. 

 

Jace curls into a the motion, an honest to god moan falling brokenly from his throat, and that's what gets Simon; hook, line, and sinker. 

 

It's suddenly not even about the challenge anymore. Simon's focus very swiftly moves towards getting Jace naked beneath his hands as soon as possible. He drops Jace's wrists and reaches down to shove his hands under that stupidly soft shirt, fingers pressing into  _ ridiculous  _ abs and dragging up, hiking the shirt up around his ribs. 

 

“Simon, I-” 

 

The kiss is only broken long enough for Jace to say those two words in a rasp and the offending shirt to be snatched over his head. Then, they're kissing again, Simon swallowing whatever Jace was going to say while his hands take a mind of their own. His fingers explore, pressing into warm skin and tracing the unrelenting firmness he's gained from years of training. Jace makes muffled noises against his mouth, hands clutching at Simon's shoulders for dear life, like he's afraid he'll fall over if he doesn't. 

 

And okay, to be completely fair, Simon isn't exactly doing this calmly. His mind is fuzzy, brain shutting all the way down, and he's giving it all he's got because somewhere deep down… he's very aware that he'll never get another chance. So, yes, it's a bit of a frenzy and a little rough, like a whirlwind fling should be, but Simon can't make himself  _ stop.  _

 

He's eager and Jace isn't stopping him, so his hands fumble down to his belt and snatches at it. He's still kissing Jace without pause, glad he doesn't technically need to breathe, only breaking away long enough for Jace to get just enough air before diving back in. However, the belt is providing to be difficult, so Simon snatches away and fixes Jace with a serious look, relishing in Jace sucking in air like he's just got done drowning. 

 

“Get this belt open.” 

 

Jace pants. “What?” 

 

“Belt,” Simon says shortly. “I can't- it won't- get the freaking belt off.” 

 

“Oh.” Jace blinks as if he's dazed, hands dropping from Simon's shoulders to expertly unclip his belt and leave it open. “There, it's- wait, Simon-” 

 

“No,” Simon replies, sliding his hands down Jace's sides, “you said bring it on, so I  _ am.”  _

 

“I- I didn't,” Jace tries, then stops, his mouth snapping shut with a click as Simon smoothly snatches his belt through all the loops in one quick movement, one that barely jostles Jace's hips. 

 

Simon lets it fall to the floor with a thud as he arches an eyebrow. “Tell me to stop, Jace. I mean, I don't have any sex appeal, right? So… tell me to stop.” 

 

Jace swallows, says nothing. 

 

Simon kisses him yet again, falling into him with a triumphant hum. Jace's whole body goes pliant, back arching as his eyes flutter closed. He sighs into the kiss as if he can't help it, his own hands reaching out and sliding under Simon's shirt. His fingers tremble and shake as he touches lightly, much more hesitant than Simon had been. 

 

Simon's a people pleaser by nature, so he jerks back to yank his own shirt off before going right back to what he was doing, leaving Jace with that little encouragement to touch. 

 

And touch he does. 

 

Jace has either stopped caring about what held him back before,  _ or  _ it evaporates quickly, because his hands sweep over Simon's skin without any hint of trepidation. Simon focuses on unbuttoning Jace's pants and shoving them down as far as he can reach without breaking apart, which is only to Jace's mid-thigh. But that gives him the perfect amount of room to hook both hands in Jace's briefs and roll them down as well. 

 

Jace is unmistakably hard, which fills Simon with so much satisfaction he  _ nearly  _ breaks the kiss to grin. The moment Simon touches him, the moment Simon's hand wraps around his dick, that  _ exact  _ moment, Jace's nails dig into his sides and his whole body jolts against the wooden beam. 

 

Simon uses his other hand to yank on his own jeans, shoving the zipper down and awkwardly pushing down, shoving his own underwear with it. He has just enough room to pull his own dick out and have no risk of his zipper catching against sensitive skin.

 

Jace looks confused when Simon pulls away, his eyes cloudy, lips swollen and slick. But there's no way he's doing this dry. Saliva fills his mouth as soon as he realizes he needs it, and he tears his gaze from Jace's unfairly pretty eyes to look down as he lines their dicks up. Without an ounce of shame, he lifts his right hand and silently catches some of that wonderfully helpful saliva. 

 

Then, without any warning, he reaches down and wraps his wet hand around both of them, twisting his hand and rolling his hips forward in unison. 

 

Jace makes a sound Simon has never heard from him, a choking strangled thing, and his head falls back against the beam. “Oh fuck. Fuck, fuck,  _ fuck-”  _

 

Simon silences him with a kiss. His right hand holds them tight, twisting and moving back and forth, spreading his own spit over them. Simon rocks his waist forward and drags back, pressing into his own fist over and over, hoping with his whole being that Jace will too. As if he's heard the silent plea, Jace's hips start jerking forward as well. 

 

It's, without a doubt, the most amazing thing Simon has felt in a very long time. It's heated and rough, their skin absorbs his saliva too quickly, and Jace is trembling so hard that it's a struggle to keep a rhythm going. But they're moaning into each other's mouths and grasping at each other with their free hands _anyway._

 

Jace comes first, just in the nick of time too, because the drag of skin on skin was beginning to get a little  _ too  _ rough. It's perfect lubrication, so Simon uses it to his advantage, twisting his hand tighter and pushing into the slick wetness with a groan. Jace shudders, turning his head to the side to break from their kiss, his eyes closed tight, face pinched as his release is drawn out from Simon's added pressure. 

 

Simon is okay with that, just turns his lips to the long line of his neck, dragging his tongue along the salty-sweet skin. He's not thinking, not even considering of the repercussions of his actions, just moving his hand faster and faster while losing himself to Jace's gasps. 

 

When he comes, his fangs drop without warning, and it's all Simon can do to turn his face away and not bite. He's not hungry at all, but he's  _ gone  _ when it's his turn to find release. He buries his face into Jace's shoulder and rides it out, tucking his fangs behind his lips, holding his breath as his brain seems to knock around in his skull from his own pleasure. He doesn't release his breath for a long beat, sort of floating on the moment. 

 

And just like that… it's over. 

 

Almost immediately, everything comes crashing down around Simon. Which, that sucks because he hasn't  _ ever  _ had an orgasm that good before. With an awkward clearing of his throat, Simon lifts himself from Jace and drops his hands, backing away while he yanks his own pants up, forcing his fangs away.

 

Jace nearly falls over. His eyes snap open like he's just realizing that he's not holding himself up, and it's only Simon's hands reaching out to grab him that keeps him from sinking to the ground. Jace's pants are still down near his knees, but he just stares at Simon like he has no idea what's going on. 

 

“Um,” Simon mumbles. “Are you- do you-” 

 

“Fine,” Jace retorts in a croak, his voice absolutely  _ wrecked,  _ and Simon did that, made a complete mess of him. Jace blinks, as if surprised. “Me, fine. I'm- me. Fine. It's fine.” 

 

Shakily, Jace reaches down and pulls his pants up. Simon drops his hands and shifts nervously, the rational thinking he'd somehow misplaced earlier blaring in his mind. He can't  _ believe  _ he just had sex with Jace. With  _ Jace.  _ He just- they… they had sex, and it was amazing, and Simon’s  _ dying  _ on the inside. 

 

They stare at each other. There's space between them now, but they're both shirtless and thoroughly debauched. In fact, Jace's hair is haphazardly tousled, but he makes even that look like an art form, which isn't  _ fair.  _ Simon kind of wants to kiss him all over again, which also isn't fair. 

 

This is a one time thing, he knows that. And he'd hoped that it would cure him of the stupid desire he can't help but feel when met with Jace. But here he is, still in the same boat, if not farther out at sea. Now that he's had it, now that he knows how good it is, he wants it even more. 

 

Simon hates his life sometimes.

 

“Seriously, are you okay?” Simon asks carefully, crossing his arms over his bare chest. 

 

“Yeah, I'm- yeah.” Jace steps away from the beam and clears his throat. “I've never actually, you know, with a man.” 

 

Simon's eyes go wide. “Never?” 

 

Jace just shrugs. “Not, uh, actually gay, Simon.” 

 

“I- I didn't say you were. I didn't  _ think  _ you were.”

 

“I'm not.” 

 

“Right.” Simon swallows and reaches up to rub the back of his neck. “Well, um, I'm glad it was- just, not all first times are like… that.” 

 

“Yours wasn't?” Jace asks quietly, seeming subdued, his eyes a little distant. 

 

“No, my first time with a guy was horrible. We were young and dumb, we had no idea what we were doing, and it actually hurt,” Simon admits, dropping his hand with a sigh. “But, uh, that's not important. Do- do you want to stay? I can-” 

 

Jace jolts as if he's been electrocuted. “No,” he says sharply, pulling up short. “I need to go. I'll see you for the next mission.” 

 

“Oh. Yeah, okay,” Simon mutters, watching Jace move over to grab his shirt. 

 

Before Jace yanks the door open and walks out of it, he looks right at Simon and says, “Don't tell  _ anyone  _ about this, you understand?” 

 

“Yeah,” Simon replies simply. “Not like anyone would believe it anyway.” 

 

Jace just stares at him for one moment longer, then steps out the door and slams it shut behind him. Simon refuses to feel disappointed. He'd known from the moment their lips met how this was going to end, so he shouldn't be slightly stung by it. He is, but he shouldn't. 

 

With a sigh, he forces it out of his mind, sure that it was just a wild one-off, never to happen again. 

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Two days later, Simon realizes it was not just a wild one-off, never to happen again. 

 

He realizes this as soon as he opens the door to boathouse after someone had banged on it loudly and firmly. Upon seeing Jace, Simon had been surprised, but his first thought was that there must be an emergency mission. That thought immediately gets washed away when Jace steps into the room, shuts the door, and kisses him. 

 

And Simon needs only two seconds before he's completely agreeable to whatever is happening, so his muffled sound of surprise instantly transforms into a hum of approval. 

 

Simon doesn't have time to ask questions, doesn't care to with Jace's hand sliding up under his sweater and digging into his side. He just stumbles forward, pushing Jace back against the large iron door, letting the kiss unfurl into something deep and heated. Jace's body relaxes in increments against his, releasing a soft sigh when Simon starts fumbling with his belt distractedly. 

 

“Let me,” Jace breathes, tugging at his belt so Simon doesn't have to struggle with it. 

 

This time, their shirts are on and Jace reaches down to help twist one hand in unison with Simon's. It's intense and rushed, gritty and rough, and so,  _ so  _ endlessly hot. They gasp into each other's mouths when they come at the same time. And after, they just lean on each other and tremble from the aftershocks of the, frankly, amazing orgasms. 

 

It's much easier to get back into clothes after; they'd barely gotten out of them. Jace straightens his shirt, rubs his hair back into place, and frowns at the floor like it has personally offended him. The drag of Simon's zipper is loud in the silence. 

 

“So…” 

 

“Shut up, Simon.” 

 

Simon crosses his arms. “Hey, you're the one who came here, buddy. Care to explain?” 

 

Jace turns his glare to Simon. “No.” 

 

“Okay, well,  _ I  _ think you should, you know, give me something here.” Simon waves a hand between them pointedly. “I mean, the first time is one thing, but the second… well, that's not accidental.”

 

“The first time was?” Jace asks, arching an eyebrow with a sarcastic tick of his lips. “If I recall,  _ you  _ instigated the first time.” 

 

“Accidentally,” Simon tells him seriously. 

 

Jace purses his lips. “Fine, this was  _ my _ accident.” 

 

“That isn't how this works.” 

 

“I'm saying it is.” 

 

Simon can push it, can list out all the ways that this was intentional, but there is a guarded look in Jace's eyes. He looks conflicted, like maybe he knows exactly what Simon is saying, but also like he's clinging to his flimsy excuse with desperation. 

 

Simon sighs. “Fine. A happy accident. Twice.” 

 

“Right.” Jace nods. “We have mission tomorrow.” 

 

“You could have called,” Simon says. 

 

“Yeah,” Jace agrees. 

 

And Simon thinks that maybe, just  _ maybe,  _ this is terrible idea and he should get out while he can. He should head Jace off while they're still ahead, keep this a thing that is not  _ A Thing,  _ and not think about it anymore. He thinks that, but he still looks at Jace's lips like he's never kissed them before, a deep yearning curling hot in his chest. 

 

So, instead, Simon says nothing. 

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


The thing is, Simon doesn't  _ hate  _ Jace. 

 

His exact feelings for Jace are too complicated to decipher, like a bunch of wires crossed where they shouldn't be. By all means, Simon  _ should  _ hate Jace; after everything they've been through, that would make sense. Jace stole his girl, Simon stole her back after, they both lost her in the end, and really, their personalities clash in every way possible. 

 

Simon doesn't like Jace's attitude, doesn't like how he walks around in the world as if turns just for him, doesn't like his slow smile or his petty comments or how he looks at Simon as if he's the annoying gnat he can't manage to swat away. He doesn't like his brisk behavior, or his enjoyment of killing, or his lack of emotion when the situation calls for it. 

 

What he does like, however, is the way Jace walks. His stride is determined and altogether confident, like he'll shove himself through any room to reach some goal no one else can see. Simon also likes how he talks - when he does. His words are often light with dry wit, dripping with contempt and curling with a victory no one else knows he's won. Simon's favorite thing, though, is how Jace  _ works.  _

 

Jace does his job, and he does it very well. Simon doesn't understand the whole Shadowhunter  _ thing,  _ not like Shadowhunters do, but he gets the gist. They protect, they save, and they serve. And Jace is one of the best ones. When he fights, he is at peace and truly a thing of beauty, and he saves the world one mission at a time so effortlessly that Simon can't help but appreciate it. 

 

So no, Simon doesn't hate Jace; he doesn't like him, but he doesn't  _ hate  _ him. Outside of that, Simon has no idea how he feels about Jace, except that he likes what it feels like to kiss him and is enamored with the sight of Jace falling apart as he comes. But then again, outside of competing with him and having sex with him, Simon knows next to nothing about Jace. 

 

That makes this lust. He intends to keep it that way. 

 

Jace meets him outside of central park, leading him to a dark part of the grounds, his eyes bright from whatever rune that helps him look around at night. Simon watches him watch their surroundings and waits for him to tell him the plan. 

 

“There are four demons hiding in a tree across the park,” Jace tells him quietly. “They're waiting for some unfortunate person to be their prey.” 

 

“Bait?” Simon asks. 

 

Jace's head snaps over to him, his eyes zeroing in on his face. His lips tug down. “Not tonight. There's too many to risk it.” 

 

“Since when do you care about the risk?” Simon snorts at Jace's expression. “What, you haven't ever considered my life when planning before.” 

 

“Simon, I  _ always  _ consider your life when I plan.”

 

“Consider ways to end it, you mean.” 

 

“Yeah,” Jace drawls sarcastically, “that's what I mean. Because I just can't wait for you to do me the favor of officially dying, especially on my watch, and then deal with the aftermath.” 

 

“Which just means you know Clary will totally kick your ass if I die because of you,” Simon quips back, smile stretching wide despite himself. 

 

Jace exhales deeply through his nose. “The plan is this. We attack from two different sides, cut their number by half. Then, it will be two on two.” 

 

“And just how do you suggest we do that?” 

 

“You have the daggers Izzy made you. I taught you how to throw them. Aim for their hearts.” 

 

“Up in the  _ tree?”  _ Simon blurts, mostly baffled that Jace thinks he can pull this off. 

 

“You have vampire eyes, Simon. If you focus, you won't miss. Now, take the left, I'll take the right.” 

 

Jace doesn't wait for him, just stalks off in the direction he'd claimed. So, with a sigh, Simon heads towards the left as he pulls two of the special-made daggers from their holsters. Izzy had taken to making Shadowhunter weapons accessible to downworlders, adding a layer of protection over the grips so they wouldn't get burned but could also be helpful on missions. Simon likes his daggers; they're about the only weapon that doesn't make him feel like a complete idiot. 

 

Simon can see perfectly in the night, so he knows what tree Jace is approaching immediately. He flicks his gaze up to stare at the horrible, ugly demons waiting within the branches. They're all turned towards the path, waiting for some unsuspecting mundane probably, and they don't hear them coming until it's too late. 

 

Jace is right, he can see just fine. With too much ease, Simon knows exactly where to throw the daggers. It's the how that worries him. He toys with the idea that he might miss, but then thinks of what Clary had told him about believing in himself. So, he takes a deep breath and throws one dagger right after the other without hesitation. He can hear the whir of them through the air, then the  _ snik, snik  _ as they land on their targets. 

 

By the time two demons are taken out, the others are already dropping from the trees. It's almost comical how quickly Jace slides in and begins to fight. There's something slightly different about this though, about how he fights. 

 

At first, Jace used to fight a certain way in front of Simon, like he was showing off how good he was, like he was rubbing it in. Over time, he'd let that go and started fighting with purpose - he's still unfairly good, still taunts his opponents, still fights cockily like he knows he's going to win; he hasn't lost yet, as far as Simon has seen. But tonight, in this moment, Jace fights in an entirely different way. 

 

Jace's body is nothing to scoff at to begin with, it's actually gape worthy, but how he's fighting now is just…  _ criminal.  _ Simon wants to call Luke, have Jace arrested for being a menace to society. Every move is calculated and artistic, like the stroke of Clary's pencil when she draws, all arcs and finesse making up one stunning picture. It's almost as if Jace has taken this fight and made it into poetry, every limb flowing like a song lyric, every twist of his body easing through the air like ocean waves sound when Simon plays them to go to sleep. 

 

Simon stays still and watches as Jace takes out the two demons on his own, and when he's done, Simon tells himself he's glad that it's over. 

 

Spoiler alert, he's not. That could have went on forever and Simon wouldn't have minded. 

 

There's something different between two people when they've had sex; it's unavoidable. Even if it's a drunken mistake or a friends with benefits situation or even a committed relationship, there is  _ always  _ a notable change after the lines are crossed. Sometimes, it's small and meaningless, a shared smile or wince; sometimes, it's just an inside joke, something that brings people together; and sometimes, it's completely life-altering and relationship-ruining. 

 

Simon and Jace don't have much of a relationship to begin with, but when Jace looks up at him with an intense gaze, Simon realizes it's already ruined. Jace's eyes spark with something Simon can't identify, and he thinks maybe Jace can feel it too. 

 

Jace looks at him, mismatched eyes focused right on him with keen consideration, and Simon knows his life is officially altered. When Jace slowly slides his blade into its holster, Simon already knows what's coming - he can feel it through the air, like the connection of their eyes is some kind of landline they can unwittingly communicate across. 

 

And sure enough, Jace takes three long strides, cards his fingers into his hair, and Simon kisses him ferociously before he gets the chance. 

 

Simon doesn't know shit about Jace, but he knows the feel of his lips against his, and he guesses that's enough to go on not to hate him. 

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


Simon's one saving grace through this is that it's just sex and nothing else. In fact, the sex is nearly the same every single time. They rub their dicks together and come standing up and leave it at that. It's still earth shattering every single time, but Simon's focusing on the positives here. 

 

The main one is that they are  _ just  _ having sex. 

 

Until they aren't. 

 

The first time it happens, it really is an accident. Simon initiates it again, because that's just his kind of thing now apparently. 

 

Jace comes over one dreary Tuesday morning, one thing on his mind, and Simon is  _ so  _ on board with that, except he has a easy-bake oven. And okay, he hasn't seen one since he and Clary were  _ really  _ young, but Luke had found it when he was cleaning out his storage unit - a thing Luke apparently does in his spare time for fun, because he's  _ that  _ dad - and he'd brought it straight to Simon, believing for some reason that Simon would love it. Simon does, but no one should know that. 

 

Anyway, he's halfway through a batch of cookies because he  _ really  _ wants to know if it works when he realizes he can't actually eat the cookies. Then, Jace lets himself in with his usual bang of the door and frown on his face. He always looks a little frustrated that he keeps coming back here - Simon relates to that in more ways than one - yet he shows up every two days like clockwork. For sex. 

 

Which, they'll be doing that as soon as Jace eats the cookies and tells him if they're good. 

 

“So, let me get this straight, mundanes gave a miniature oven to children for entertainment, careless to the chances of them getting hurt,” Jace says slowly, crossing his arms. 

 

Simon rolls his eyes. “It's pretty child-proof, mostly. But it's also  _ really cool.  _ When you're eight, I mean.”

 

“Mhm,” Jace hums doubtfully. “And I won't die from eating the cookies?” 

 

“I'm almost a hundred percent you won't die.” 

 

“Fine, I will try your cookies.” 

 

As if hearing his agreement, the small oven dings loudly, signaling that the cookies are done. Simon tries not to show how excited he is about this, but he's pretty sure Jace sees it because his lips curl up at the corners, his shoulders shifting as he huffs a quiet laugh. That is almost as exciting as the cookies, but Simon steadfastly ignores that. 

 

“Okay,” Simon declares, picking up one cookie and flitting over to Jace with vampire speed, his excitement making him eager. The cookie is soft in his hand, so he cups his other hand underneath it and holds it for Jace without a thought. “Let me know how it tastes and  _ don't  _ lie.” 

 

Jace just stares at him for a moment, his eyes slowly flicking between him and the cookie, but Simon can't imagine why. He finds out a moment later when Jace parts his lips, locks eyes with Simon, and leans forward to take a small bite of the cookie. Jace's lips wrap around the cookie, brushing wet and warm against Simon's fingers, and the cookie melts against his lips before he can even fully pull away. 

 

A sharp curl of heat suddenly blooms low in his stomach as Jace pulls back, chewing slowly, then swallows. Simon is seconds from dropping the cookie and lunging forward to lick the crumbs off his lips, but Jace's tongue darts out to do that himself, and Simon's not disappointed - he's  _ not.  _ Jace tilts his head and hums in consideration. 

 

“It's good,” Jace admits. “Sugar cookie?” 

 

“Yeah,” Simon croaks. 

 

Jace's lips curl up into a knowing smirk, his eyes going half-lidded, blonde eyelashes long and so achingly  _ pretty  _ that Simon kind of wants to punch him. Jace has that looks he always wears when he knows he's being especially attractive, which only makes him  _ more  _ attractive, which Simon is adding to his long and consistently growing list of things that are unfair about Jace. 

 

Then, unexpectedly, Jace's face softens. “Maryse used to make us sugar cookies when we did good in training or passed a test.” 

 

“Really?” Simon blurts in surprise. 

 

“Mhm.” Jace pauses and leans forward to take another bite of the cookie, lips sliding over Simon's fingers yet again. Once he's finished chewing, he says, “Me, Alec, and Izzy would always be so excited when she'd set them out for us. They were good, but we also knew they meant she was proud of us.” 

 

Simon's stomach clenches for two very different reasons. One, because he's essentially just hand feeding Jace a cookie now, which feels too intimate to explore. And two, because Jace just casually dropped a little piece of information about himself, information that's endearing and opens a little doorway to the depth of Jace, the very depth Simon has been avoiding exists. 

 

Simon swallows as Jace takes another bite. “That's, uh, really sweet. Of Maryse, I mean.” 

 

“She is the only mom I've ever had.” Jace keeps looking right at Simon. “Have plenty of fathers, it turns out, but she's the only mom. She's better than all of them combined.”

 

“Most women are,” Simon agrees softly. 

 

“It's hard not to be when compared to Valentine, even two different versions of him.” 

 

“That's true.” 

 

“No one knows this,” Jace says, and Simon suddenly doesn't  _ want  _ to know, but he can't stop himself from listening in interest, “but I still forget that Valentine and Michael Wayland are the same people.” 

 

“Because they were so different?” 

 

“Because they were similar, but I didn't notice.” 

 

Simon's heart clenches in his chest. “You were just a kid, Jace. It's not your fault you've been lied to at every turn in your life.” 

 

Jace hums and lifts a hand to grip Simon's wrist to hold his hand still as he leans forward and licks the last bite of the cookie into his mouth. Simon is having  _ a lot  _ of mixed feelings right now, most of which have to do with the subject, but he's most definitely a heathen because the feeling of Jace's tongue sliding over his fingers makes his brain short circuit. He's pretty sure that's the end of the heavy conversation, but Jace speaks yet again. 

 

“I struggled to connect with Robert Lightwood because I always felt like I couldn't ever replace my dad,” Jace murmurs, eyebrows furrowing. “But then, Valentine replaced my dad with himself, and I- I had to find out that the one dad I clung to was a man who never even loved me.” 

 

And oh  _ god,  _ Simon can't do this. He really,  _ really  _ can't. Because here it is; that depth, those emotions Jace “doesn't have”, the slight glimpse into the tragedy of his life. Simon could do without it, thank you very much, because that feeling of pulsing need to care, to provide comfort, it grows stronger and stronger. Simon wants to tell Jace to stop, wants to keep himself from falling down this rabbit hole, but he can't force himself to do it. 

 

“Why are you telling me this?” he asks instead, his voice incredibly soft and careful. 

 

Jace just looks at him. “Because you always seem to know what to say.” 

 

_ Oh no,  _ Simon thinks desperately, a little panicked as undeniable devastation sinks low in his stomach. All at once, there is a low swooping of a whole bunch of  _ uh oh  _ in his gut, all the while his immobile heart has phantom flutters of hope. And Simon knows, more than anything, hope - even just the starts of it - is a very dangerous thing. 

 

Simon wants to cry. “I- I don't- that's not true. I just- I say a lot of things really quickly and hope one of them is the right thing, which I can still mess up. I do, all the time, because I'm only- well, I  _ was  _ human, and I still have those, you know, tendencies. And you do too, which is okay, totally okay, and I'm doing it right now - saying a whole bunch of stuff in one breath. I- I just, I know that you have a real messed up familial situation - kinda like Clary - but you still have a wonderful familial bond with Alec and Izzy and Max and- and that's just- it's  _ so  _ amazing, because after what you just told me, it takes someone really brave to find and keep family when it has never done anything but hurt you, and-” 

 

“Simon.” Jace says his name firmly, but gently, and his expression is just on the verge of being fond. His lips curl up. “Shut up.” 

 

“Okay,” Simon agrees a little breathlessly, very happy to do just that. “Um, I just- I want you to know that I- I get it. When my dad died, I felt like… well, I was so  _ mad.  _ Like, most people get sad, or cry for days, or grieve for years, but I was just so angry and frustrated because I didn't think it was fair to my family, to- to  _ me.  _ And it isn't, it never will be, and I'm still angry sometimes, but that's okay. Jace, it's- if you're angry too, it's okay.”

 

Simon really wishes he'd have just shut up like he'd been told because Jace's strange expression of softness melts into genuine surprise, like he can't believe Simon just hit the nail on the head. Their eyes haven't strayed from each other, but their gazes suddenly  _ lock,  _ and Simon sees that look in Jace's eyes again. It's guarded this time, like maybe he's aware of it and wants to hide it, but it's visible and like a hook burying deep in Simon's heart. 

 

Jace still has a firm grip on his wrist, still just holding it in the air, and Simon's fingers still tingle with the ghost of Jace's mouth wrapping around them. Tenderly, slowly, Jace pulls his hand down and tugs him close, his other hand sliding over his hip to the small of his back. Simon feels like he can't breathe - doesn't even need to - and he feels the hand on his wrist slide down, catching his fingers, ever so slowly threading them together. 

 

Jace kisses him soft and slow, deep and with serious intent, and he tastes like sugar cookies and everything Simon has ever wanted. 

 

Simon is so,  _ so  _ screwed. 


	2. Chapter 2

It keeps  _ happening.  _

 

Simon would like to say it had just been a wild one-off, never to happen again, but he  _ really  _ should have known better at this point. 

 

They don't talk about it, they never actually try to do it, they just stumble into it by complete accident. One moment, they're working towards rushed sex that they  _ also  _ never acknowledge, and the next, they're sharing pieces of themselves without meaning to. 

 

Simon knows that Jace has a fear of needles, even just slightly, unable to control his body from jerking when he gets the stick. Simon had laughed for a solid ten minutes when he learned that Jace actually really likes the color pink - _ salmon, Simon, it's a rich color!  _ \- and had nearly cried when he learned that Jace once had a falcon who Valentine ruthlessly killed. He learns that Jace likes grapes, but doesn't like grape flavored things; he finds out that Jace has never actually learned to drive and figures it's too late to do so; he's told in no uncertain terms that Jace would do pretty much anything for Alec and Izzy; and Jace whispers to him late one night, just as he comes all over Simon's fingers, that he still can feel the ghost of Simon's fangs puncturing his skin, still has erotic dreams about it. 

 

It's more than that too. Simon knows how Jace  _ feels  _ about things, how he thinks. Jace doesn't like himself all that much for a guy who walks around as if he's god's gift to humanity. Jace has a high opinion of everyone he works with -  _ including  _ Simon - and whether or not he likes them, he respects them and trusts them to have his back. Jace is the epitome of a turtle, all soft mess tucked away in a hard shell of rough and tumble determination. 

 

He also can't seem to leave Simon alone, for which Simon is slowly becoming more grateful for. 

 

Simon realizes that things are getting out of control the night they all meet up at Magnus’ loft to have a very loose group meeting; it's more of a get together to brush up on the last month, just as they'd done a month prior, but everyone is there. 

 

Simon hasn't actually been around Jace while around their collective friends. During the time they've been doing this, Simon has had a run-in with everyone ten times over, but never while Jace was around. And as per request of that very first night, Simon hasn't told a soul about what they've been doing. 

 

Mostly because he's scared that admitting it to anyone will make it  _ real.  _

 

This is the first time, in the last month and a half, that Simon has been in the same room as Jace and the others all at once. Honestly, he's not expecting anything out of the ordinary, so he isn't prepared when every single thing is different. 

 

“Jace, are you  _ giggling?”  _

 

Maia sounds baffled by this and Simon completely gets why. Jace doesn't giggle, he doesn't even really laugh, and you're lucky if you can get him to crack a smile. Yet, here he is, chuckling in amusement as Simon regales the absolute horror show that was their last mission three days before. 

 

Jace's laughter immediately cuts off, his amusement falling into his usual scowl. “No,” he scoffs. 

 

Except, yes he  _ was,  _ and Simon hadn't been stunned by that because he's used to it. He hasn't realized it until this very moment, but he's seen Jace laughing more times in the past month than he has as long as he's known him. Usually, it's at Simon's expense - in reaction to some story or rambling tangent he's gone off on, just like now. Simon doesn't recall ever stopping and being surprised by it, just treating it like it's completely normal. 

 

“You totally were,” Clary agrees, her eyes dancing in amusement. “Since when is Simon funny to you?” 

 

Simon, for one, does not like where this is going at all, so he barks, “Hey! I'm  _ hilarious,  _ Fray.” 

 

“Not to Jace,” Izzy says simply. 

 

“You know what's funny?” Simon points at Raphael, nervous energy slithering over his skin like tiny pinpricks of panic. “The fact that you and him are friends now! Since when?”

 

“We are not,” Raphael retorts sharply, eyes going into slits as he stares at Simon. 

 

Clary grins. “We so are! Just yesterday, Raphael gave me loads of advice on fashion.”

 

“I  _ insulted  _ your tastes.” 

 

“Your input was greatly appreciated.”

 

Raphael reaches up to rub at his temple, as if he can get headaches, looking  _ so done.  _ “Dios mio, you're as bad as the fledgling.” 

 

“That's a compliment,” Simon assures Clary with a wink, earning multiple snorts from the room, including one from his right - Jace. 

 

“Well, I am glad everyone is getting along,” Magnus says pleasantly, leaning into Alec's side, his lips quirked up. “The Clave won't know what to do with this continued peace, not when we prove to them that even those who don't have strong ties to each other can work together perfectly fine.” 

 

“I think we've all slightly changed our minds about those we are paired with,” Izzy announces with a warm smile towards Maia. “I certainly have.” 

 

Maia rolls her eyes. “You're not so bad, I'll give you that. But it's funny, she gives me fashion advice all the time too.” 

 

“Honey, you  _ need  _ it,” Izzy replies with a wince, nodding pointedly to the washed out flannel and ripped jeans Maia wears. 

 

“Hey, I like her style,” Clary pipes up. 

 

“See?” Maia challenges lightly. 

 

Raphael sighs as if he's in pain. “Most of you have no sense of style at all.” 

 

“Not everyone can be raised by me, my dear,” Magnus tells him with a smirk. 

 

“Well,  _ I  _ have a great sense of style,” Simon declares, reaching down to grab his graphic tee and pinch it between his fingers before pulling the fabric out and letting it settle back into place. “I'm what you call a tootsie pop, everyone. Once you get to what's underneath, you're  _ in love.”  _

 

Jace suddenly goes into a coughing fit. 

 

Simon jerks around to watch Jace nearly fold in half from the force of his choking coughs, his own hand beating against his chest as he wheezes. It takes him a moment to get his bearings, but then he blinks and clears his throat, acting as if that never even happened. Everyone just stares at him. 

 

“What?” Jace mutters, frowning. “Wrong pipe.” 

 

“Right,” Alec says slowly, his eyes narrowing as he stares right at Jace. “Well, I don't want to talk about fashion.” He shoots a look at Magnus when he immediately frowns. “Not right now. What I'd rather talk about is that we have a representative from the Clave coming next week to supervise a team and see how we work. They'll choose the duo they want to follow, so we all need to be on our best behavior.” 

 

Meliorn, who's spent majority of this get together in peaceful silence, chuckles quietly. “Alec, you sound stressed by this upcoming visit.” 

 

“This could be a big step in convincing the Clave to start implementing alliances all over the world, Meliorn,” Alec says firmly. “You could say I'm just a bit stressed about it.” 

 

“Well, maybe the representative will choose us. We work very well together.” Meliorn actually brightens as the prospect. “In fact, I hope he does. We do make a very good team.” 

 

Magnus hums. “I saw that coming from a mile away. Both sarcastic, both like quiet, both loyal to a fault.” 

 

“I think we'll be okay as long as the representative doesn't want to shadow Jace and Simon,” Alec says simply, not sounding ashamed in the least. 

 

Simon groans. “Why would you  _ say that?  _ Now, we're going to be picked! You spoke it into existence.” 

 

“We'll manage just fine,” Jace snaps. 

 

“I don't think you two can spend five minutes not bickering,” Alec retorts flatly. 

 

“That's not true!” Simon waves his hands around wildly. “We've actually spent plenty of time not bickering. We aren't  _ that  _ bad.” 

 

Clary chuckles. “Simon, I love you, but you two are just… horrible to each other. I can't imagine why; you two would get along great if you both hadn't, you know, wanted me at one point.” 

 

“Which, we do not anymore,” Simon says, waggling a finger at her. “So, we're  _ really  _ not as bad as you think. He doesn't even insult me on my fighting anymore. Actually, I think I've gotten a lot better!” 

 

“Don't lie,” Izzy teases, smile broad and playful across her face, “you two have spent the last three months at each other's throats, haven't you?” 

 

“You have no idea,” Jace drawls sardonically, and Simon is  _ so  _ glad he can't blush anymore. 

 

Everyone seems to take that as something that isn't literal, like they don't have the capacity to believe that Jace's words mean what they actually mean. The fact of the matter is that they  _ have  _ spent the last month at each other's throats, sexually at least, but no one in the group even considers that a possibility. 

 

It's in that exact moment that Simon comes to the abrupt and terrifying conclusion that he and Jace aren't what they once were. Even just the sex, not counting the fact that they actually  _ know  _ each other now, is enough to leave them drastically changed. 

 

Once again, Simon thinks he should put a stop to it before it gets too out of control. 

 

Yet again, he doesn't. 

 

In fact, as everyone gets ready to leave to their respective destinations, Simon says absolutely  _ nothing  _ when Jace opts to walk him home. Clary and Izzy had offered to take Maia to the Jade Wolf before heading back to the institute, and the three girls had left with laughter floating behind them. Magnus and Alec stayed at Magnus’, obviously, and had ushered everyone out. Without a word, Meliorn had offered his elbow to Raphael, and with a roll of his eyes, Raphael had took it and let the seelie escort him back to Hotel Dumort. That left Simon and Jace, and they'd both started towards the boathouse without suggesting it to each other. 

 

For the entire walk, Jace has his hands stuffed in his pockets and his eyebrow has a crease of confusion that Simon won't let himself reach out and smooth. The closer they get to the boathouse, the deeper that crease seems to get, as if Jace is thinking about something really hard. Simon  _ almost  _ asks. 

 

But then, the reach the boathouse and enter through the large door, letting it shut behind them with a rattling clang as per usual. The moment the door closes, Jace's heart rate starts gaining speed and he pulls his hands out of his pockets to press them together, chewing his lip. 

 

“Something wrong?” Simon asks warily. 

 

Jace takes a deep breath. “I want to try something.”

 

“I mean, is it a new move? Because I don't know if I can do flips yet, and I  _ know  _ I'm a vampire, but my balance really isn't-” 

 

Jace surges forward and cuts off whatever else Simon is going to say with a firm kiss. Simon really needs no time; he almost instantly sinks into it, a switch flipping in his mind, as if he's finally been plugged in and all receptors in his body wake up for this one thing. 

 

Jace kisses him long and hard, kind of like he's walking into battle, like he's already won. Simon likes his confidence, feels as if he's sipping it right out of Jace's mouth and taking some as his own. It's warm and has the instant effect of making the world around them melt away. 

 

They've never actually kissed and  _ just  _ kissed, and Simon is perfectly okay with that. He enjoys the assurance that sex will follow; the regular orgasms do wonders for his mood. He likes that Jace can't seem to stop himself, his hands always the first to reach for a belt now. And mostly, Simon clings to the fact that they're having sex, just sex; nothing else is going on, nothing else has changed, and no matter how much he learns about Jace, this is all they are. 

 

It might not be true, but he isn't looking to find out. 

 

Jace inhales sharply through his nose and frantically starts tugging on Simon's pants, rushing to get them open and pushed down. Simon wants to help, wants in the vague way that he can't make himself, because his hands are fascinated with running through Jace's soft hair right now and he isn't ready to stop doing that yet. Jace manages just fine on his own. 

 

In fact, Jace does something he's never done before. He breaks away from the kiss, his eyes fluttering open, and he hooks both hands in the waist of Simon's pants and underwear. Simon blinks rapidly and goes solid, ready for Jace to just push them roughly down. Jace does, but he also does something else; he sinks to his knees as he pulls. 

 

“Oh,” Simon says, his voice a little strangled. 

 

Jace's throat bobs as he looks up at him, his mouth parted as their eyes meet. “Tell me not to.” 

 

“I'm not insane,” Simon chokes out, his eyes going wide, fists clenching and unclenching at each of his sides. “No sane guy stops  _ this.”  _

 

“Right.” Jace clears his throat. “Don't pull my hair.”

 

“I'll try not to,” Simon offers weakly, his fingers already itching to delve into the soft blond strands. 

 

“You can- you can  _ touch,  _ just don't yank,” Jace says seriously, eyes narrowing. “If you do, I'll bite.” 

 

Simon bobs his head so quickly he feels as if it will roll off his neck. “Gotcha,” he croaks. 

 

Jace takes a deep breath, steeling himself, and then wraps one hand around Simon's bobbing dick, staring at it like he's not sure exactly how to go about doing this. Simon clenches his fists and holds his breath, quiet and patient, letting his body be the experiment that Jace apparently wants it to be. He's not going to complain, or demand, or do  _ anything  _ to make Jace uncomfortable. 

 

Jace apparently works out a plan because he leans forward and licks the underside of Simon's head, just a little bit to taste. He pulls back and purses his lips in consideration, then gives a little shrug, his shoulders loosening. After that, Jace doesn't seem to treat this like anything other than uncharted territory he wants to explore every inch of. 

 

Simon wants to watch, but the moment Jace's lips wrap around him fully, his eyes slam shut and he belongs only to sensation. Jace's mouth is hot and wet and perfect, just like he always is. He's clearly never done this before, but Simon already knew that. He's a little sloppy, a little wary of taking too much of Simon's length, but he's as determined as he is when he's training to learn quickly and do better. It's really unfair how good it is. 

 

This  _ is  _ experimental, Simon knows that. Jace tries things, finds what he likes, finds what Simon likes, figures out what they don't. It's a mixture of what they can handle and each little pieces of what they enjoy. Jace seems to have a preference to twirling his tongue and sucking hard and slow, but because Simon had groaned in approval when he'd tried hollowing out his cheeks and moving faster, he throws that in there too. 

 

The moment it goes from being an experiment to being about them comes the second Simon's hands can't hold back anymore. Well, he tells himself it's to be helpful because Jace's long hair keeps falling in his face, but it's also about self indulgence. Simon reaches out with both hands and buries his fingers into Jace's hair, brushing it out of his face. He makes the mistake of opening his eyes and looking down while he does so. 

 

Jace is heartbreakingly pretty with a dick in his mouth, with  _ Simon's  _ dick in his mouth, and Simon knows that's a thought he shouldn't be entertaining. Realistically, people don't look  _ pretty  _ when they're doing this; they look sexy, or dirty, or hot. But Jace? No, Jace looks ridiculously pretty. His plump lips are red and glistening, his eyes are bright and focused, there is just a hint of a flush in his cheeks, and he looks like heaven and hell came together to settle their differences. 

 

Simon can't help it. The sight of him makes his hips jerk forward, pushing a bit further into Jace's mouth then he's ever gone. Jace jerks back with a sputter, his nose wrinkling, and Simon is instantly guilty. 

 

“Simon!” Jace snaps, coughing. 

 

“I'm- I'm sorry, I didn't mean to!” Simon stutters, once again thankful he can't blush. “That's was- it was an accident, I swear! We can- if you want to, we can stop right now, I wasn't-” 

 

Jace rolls his eyes and waves a hand. “Shut up, I've got an idea.  _ Don't  _ yank my hair.” 

 

Simon is sort of sure that Jace associates the hair-pulling to something horrible, so he immediately vows never to do it again. He hopes he hasn't in the past, but he honestly can't remember. He nods at Jace, waiting to hear the idea, but Jace just takes another breath. Slowly, his mouth falls open, his eyes close, and he waits. 

 

_ Oh shit,  _ Simon thinks weakly. 

 

That signal needs no words, no explanation, no guidance. Simon is one part eager, one part terrified to do it, but Jace wants him to, so he does. Carefully, gently, Simon reaches down and guides his dick past Jace's slick lips, pressing his own mouth together to mask a low groan. He takes it slow and easy, never pushing too far, never going too fast. 

 

This is no longer an experiment at all, this is about pleasure, about  _ Simon's  _ pleasure. Jace just relaxes his mouth and throat, lets Simon push in and out, looks as if he's willing to do it forever. Simon bites his lip and stares at the earth shattering sight of him pressing into Jace's mouth over and over. 

 

“Pretty,” Simon breathes, his mouth working without his brain's permission. He regrets that one word almost instantly. 

 

Jace's eyes snap open, bright and burning, and he just looks at him. With Jace's eyes on him, Simon is physically incapable of holding back a moan. There's something about eye contact during sex of any kind; it makes Simon  _ weak.  _

 

Jace holds his gaze, reaches out to grasp Simon's thighs, and digs his nails in. He drops his jaw further and yanks Simon forward, his body jerking as he does it. Simon  _ thinks  _ he whimpers, but he can't be sure; he's staring right at Jace and seeing stars. There aren't words for how good that feels, but sounds fall from his lips he's  _ never  _ made before as he mindlessly tries to convey just how much he likes this. Simon's pretty sure he calls Jace pretty again, among other things, like freaking  _ perfect.  _

 

Simon tries to warn Jace, tries to back away, but he's not quick enough. His whole body locks up and he has to drop Jace's hair so he won't wildly tug on it as he comes. It's a total mess because Simon tries to pull away in the middle and Jace never even moves. Some gets in his mouth, some hits the floor, and just a bit sits on the corner of Jace's lips. 

 

Immediately after, Simon is babbling apologies, waving his hands as his words fumble over each other. No one likes surprises of  _ that  _ sort. 

 

Jace just pushes to his feet with a roll of his eyes, then meets Simon's gaze with a look he only wears when he's  _ really  _ trying to make Simon lose control. Deliberately, Jace raises his thumb, catches the little mess on the side of his lips, and proceeds to pop his finger in his mouth and suck it off. Simon's words freeze in his throat and his dick gives a really tired, but valiant twitch. 

 

“I'm a big boy, Simon, I can handle myself,” Jace says when he drops his thumb from his lips. 

 

Simon makes a high pitched sound and hits his knees. Jace laughs quietly with triumph. 

 

Simon has given one blowjob before in his life, so he has just enough experience not to be completely clueless. He's sure Jace has had plenty from girls who know exactly what they're doing, so something deep within him that he won't acknowledge makes him try his absolute best. By the sounds Jace makes and how quick he comes, Simon thinks he does alright. And he relishes in the fact that there's no mess because he swallows it all with only a tiny grimace that Jace doesn't see. 

 

When they kiss after, like they never do, they both taste of salt, and this kiss doesn't lead to sex at all. It does, however, make Simon want to cry. 

 

When Jace leaves into the night, he actually does. 

  
  
  


* * *

 

  
  


The Clave representative hasn't been in a legitimate fight in years and it shows. 

 

He had,  _ of course,  _ chosen Jace and Simon almost as soon as Alec suggested literally anyone else. He's middle aged, a little pudgy around the middle, and never smiles. He also looks uncomfortable with a blade in his hand, which  _ really  _ surprises Simon. 

 

“I thought all of you guys were built and trained for war,” Simon whispers to Jace as they linger outside of the cave housing the demons they have to exterminate tonight. 

 

Jace rolls his eyes. “Most of us are. There are a few who are more at home amongst the archives and politics. He had his training way back when, no one gets out of that, but I doubt he's trained at all in the last five years.” 

 

“I don't think him coming on mission is such a good idea. He could really be hurt,” Simon hisses quietly, shooting furtive looks at the man. 

 

“We'll make sure he doesn't,” Jace says simply. 

 

That is the worst plan Simon has ever heard. Simon can barely keep himself from getting hurt, let alone some man who holds a blade as if it's got a disease. 

 

“Terrible plan,” Simon mutters. 

 

“Okay, Charles,” Jace calls out, ignoring Simon altogether, “you need to listen to the plan. Simon is going to go in and flush them out. I'll attack as they come and he'll attack as he follows.” 

 

Charles frowns. “I am only here to observe.” 

 

“Yes, I know that,” Jace grits out. “I'm telling you this so that you can stay out of the way.” 

 

Simon nods. “Yeah, just- just stay  _ far away,  _ like over there.” He points across the field. 

 

“If you two work well as a team, as you say, I'll be in no danger,” Charles replies with an arched eyebrow. 

 

“Even the best teams can't keep every demon in control,” Jace retorts sharply. “Simon and I know what we're doing. We know how to handle a few demons who want to attack us. We  _ also  _ know how to work together and keep each other alive. You, however, do not. So, stay out of the way.” 

 

“Please,” Simon tacks on graciously, internally wincing at Jace's harsh attitude. 

 

Charles harrumphs. “Very well.” 

 

Jace sighs heavily through his nose and swings around to nod at Simon, his jaw clenched. Simon smiles awkwardly at Charles, then clicks his teeth and winks playfully at Jace before disappearing into the mouth of the cave. 

 

Simon knows how annoyed Jace is about all of this. One, Charles is just another person he has to look after. Two, Jace has to bite back nearly half the things he says to Simon because they can be taken as an insult, which Charles can use as a reason that this whole alliance thing is a horrible idea. While  _ Simon  _ knows that Jace is mostly just being himself and joking, Charles won't see it that way. 

 

It doesn't help that Jace hasn't been able to get time away from everything to make it to Simon's boathouse for their regular sex sessions. 

 

Charles has been following Jace anytime he's supposed to meet with Simon, and Jace hasn't found a way to sneak off yet. There is also the fact that Alec is demanding all Shadowhunters work double time so there is nothing Charles can report back to the Clave. Between that, the constant interviewing, and lack of regular sex… Jace seems tense. 

 

Simon wishes he could say he's unaffected, but he's really not. This is the first time he's seen Jace in four days; his whole body thrums with anticipation and his fingers itch to touch. The most worrying thing of all is that Simon misses him. He doesn't mean to, he sure as hell tries not to, but he'd been delighted when he'd laid eyes on Jace twenty minutes ago, something like excitement  _ still  _ squirms in his stomach. He hides it though, masks it with jokes, focuses on the mission and nothing else. 

 

So, he shoves those worrying thoughts away and locates the small group of demons. From what Jace had explained, they're the equivalent of idiots. And they are also  _ very  _ scared of vampires, for whatever reason. His job is to run them out, right into a trap, and take out as many as he can. 

 

Simple enough. 

 

Except it's not simple  _ at all.  _ These demons are terrified of him, so much so in fact that they scatter outside of the mouth of the cave in all different directions. There is only six, but Simon kills two with his daggers before the other four make it out. One runs straight to Jace, attacking immediately, another turns to the left and bolts, while the one Simon's not in the process of killing tries to attack Jace from the back. 

 

Simon makes quick work of the demon in his grasp, then darts out to aid Jace. They fight back to back, pressed against each other and circling. Simon can feel the shift of Jace's leather jacket against his shoulders, can feel the heat emanating from his body, can feel it when the demon lunges. He's only distracted for a split second, but that's all the demon facing him needs. 

 

Simon is quick enough to get the dagger into the demon, releasing a sigh of relief when it turns to goop against him. It's disgusting, he has ichor on the front of his shirt, but at least he's alive. There's a shriek from the left, and only then does Simon remember Charles. 

 

“Go  _ help  _ him,” Jace grits out, shoving the demon in front of him back. 

 

Simon only hesitates for a second. Jace is an incredible fighter, one of the best, and Simon's never had to really help him before. Charles, however, is trying to keep the demon from eating his face, so Simon figures that takes precedence. He makes it halfway before he hears a thud and Jace release a curse as he goes down. 

 

“Jace!” Simon shouts, whirling around instantly. 

 

Jace grimaces as the demon's face breaks apart, showing rows of teeth. “Help him!” he shouts, his blade the only thing keeping the demon from reaching him. “Simon,  _ go!”  _

 

Simon swallows, frozen in place. He knows that a month ago, he'd have done  _ exactly  _ what Jace told him to. Jace takes point on mission, he's the leader, so Simon listens to him automatically. But this is now, this is after… after  _ everything,  _ and Simon feels like he's being ripped in half. 

 

Charles gives another shout, sounding truly terrified, and Simon's head whips between him and Jace. If his heart could beat, it would be racing right about now. He already knows who he's going to pick before he flings his dagger up. With all the power in his arm, he flicks his dagger clear across the field,  _ praying  _ it hits its mark, because he doesn't stop to make sure. 

 

Jace's arms are shaking when Simon reaches him, his head turned away as the demon snaps it's monstrous face at him. Simon doesn't hesitate, just snatches the demon off him. He doesn't mean to do it so hard, but he's panicking, so the demon sails a good few feet away. Simon fumbles for his dagger, throws this one with more precision than his last, watches the demon disintegrate. 

 

“Are you okay?” Simon blurts, swinging around to stare at Jace with wide eyes. 

 

Jace is staring across the field. “You didn't even look to see if your dagger hit the demon.” 

 

“Priorities,” Simon croaks, throwing a wary look over his shoulder. Charles is perfectly fine, wrinkling his nose at the ichor dripping off of his suit. “He's fine.” 

 

“You could have missed, Simon. I  _ told  _ you-” 

 

“I know, I know, I just-” 

 

“What?” Jace glares at him, his eyes blazing, fists clenched. “Do you have  _ any  _ idea what would have happened if he died? Do you- can you even  _ comprehend _ how important this is? When I tell you to do something, it's for a reason!” 

 

Simon swallows thickly, trying to keep the words down, but they come up anyway. “Well, I'm so sorry, but between his life and yours… I pick yours.” 

 

“I was fine!” 

 

“You were about to be eaten alive!” 

 

Jace growls and tosses his hands up. “I can handle myself, Simon. This is my  _ job;  _ I know what I'm doing. I save your ass every mission, I don't need you to save mine. When I tell you to do something, you  _ do it,  _ do you understand?” 

 

“I'm not a freaking child, Jace,” Simon snaps, nostrils flaring in anger. “I just- you were about to get hurt, and I- I couldn't just-” 

 

“Yes, you  _ can,”  _ Jace hisses, stepping forward to jab a finger at him. “And next time, you will. You can't- this isn't going to work if you get… compromised. Simon, if you can't- if you start to-”

 

“To, what?” Simon's eyebrows rise, his nails digging into his palms. “Care? Is that what you were going to say? That I can't  _ care  _ about your life?” 

 

Jace clenches his jaw, looks away. Simon can hear his heart thundering in his chest. Jace looks back, takes a deep breath, says, “You can't care about me, Simon. Not- not like  _ that.  _ Not more than what has to be done. It's- it's dangerous.” 

 

Simon suddenly feels as if he's been yanked under a microscope for invasive inspection. Yeah, he  _ cares.  _ So what? He cares about Jace's life, but that's not a new thing. He'd cared before, even just a little, just enough - he just cares a little bit more now. It's not a big deal, or so he tells himself. But the way Jace is looking at him tells him that it's a huge deal. 

 

Simon clears his throat. “Well, don't worry about it. Guess I won't make that mistake again,” he mutters, feeling as if he'd been kicked right in the chest. 

 

“Simon, no, it's- its not that,” Jace says, his hands coming up like he's going to touch, and he falters when Simon takes a step back. “I just… I know how this works, okay? Trust me, don't let any emotion cloud your judgement, not for me.” 

 

“Right,” Simon says shortly. 

 

He won't be making this mistake again. If Jace wants to be on the precipice of death, then he can be. It's not Simon's place to stop him. They have sex, that's all they do, and that doesn't earn him shit. He knows that, so he isn't sure why it hurts. But he won't put himself in this position again. He knows the saying,  _ once bitten, twice shy.  _ That's his new motto when it comes to Jace. 

 

Jace sighs heavily, looking frustrated, reaching up to shove his fingers through his hair. “Simon, I-” 

 

“Not in a spat, are we?” Charles asks as he walks over, eyes narrowed. 

 

“No,” Jace grinds out. 

 

Charles hums, eyeing them. “Well, I must say, you've both given me a lot to think about.”

 

“All good things, we hope,” Simon says, slapping on his least threatening grin, forcing himself to stop being so  _ bothered.  _

 

“We shall see,” Charles tells him calmly. “Jace, would you walk me to the institute?” 

 

Jace frowns. “I- yeah, fine.” 

 

Without another word, Jace turns and starts heading back towards the road. Charles follows after him without a second look towards Simon. They walk away, and Simon suddenly wants a shower more than he's ever wanted anything in his life. 

 

It takes him a little bit longer to get back to the boathouse after slipping into his childhood home to grab a change of clothes and a quick shower. He's glad his mother works late shifts because he's not exactly supposed to be around her right now. 

 

He's just about to climb into the bed he'd had moved in when the door clangs as someone bangs on it. After a month, Simon knows Jace's knock by volume and rhythm alone. He  _ almost  _ doesn't answer it, really doesn't want to, but he's weak. Sighing, he darts over to the door, unlocks it, and is back by his bed before it even opens. He tells himself that if Jace hasn't come to apologize, he's going to kick him out, and if he  _ has,  _ then he won't make it easy for him. 

 

Jace's heart is a speedy thing, thumping heavily in his chest. He slowly walks into the room, edging around the stack of boats, his eyes downcast. 

 

“Need something?” Simon asks sharply. 

 

Jace's eyes flick up. “When I go on mission with Alec or Izzy, or even Clary, I spend majority of it in perpetual terror. I'm always scared that their lives will be at stake, and it will be them or the objective. I know which one I would pick, but I tell myself that the mission is more important than us, than our lives. And it probably is, but I- I would still let this world burn before I let them die.” 

 

Simon is suddenly not angry anymore. He stands up straight, blinking at Jace. There's a warmth stirring in his chest from those words. He'd known them to be true, somewhere deep down, but hearing them is something else entirely.

 

“They're your family, Jace,” Simon says softly. “It's okay. There's nothing wrong with-” 

 

“There  _ is,”  _ Jace cuts him off harshly, taking a step forward. “Ever since I could  _ walk,  _ I had one thing told to me over and over. The fight, the goal, it's all more important than anything else. Emotions? My own personal relationships? They're not supposed to matter. I'm not supposed to choose anything over the mission.” 

 

Simon sighs. “Let me guess, Valentine?” 

 

“That,” Jace agrees with a bitter twist to his lips, hands twitching at his sides, “and it's just what being a Shadowhunter  _ is.  _ It's about sacrifice, about choosing the world every time, about following orders without care for anything else.” 

 

“Do you think Izzy and Alec and Clary think the same thing?” Simon asks, tilting his head. “I mean, really, think about it. Your life on the line, their backs against the wall, and who do you think they're going to pick?” 

 

Jace purses his lips. “We've all gotten soft since Clary walked into our lives, but we  _ used  _ to be like that. I was worse; I had Valentine's lessons as well.” 

 

“But things are different now.” 

 

“Not between us. Or they weren't.” 

 

“Oh.” Simon frowns. “You think that I would just- what? Let you die? Even  _ before  _ we- you know.” 

 

“I hoped you would. I- I want you to,” Jace admits quietly, gaze dropping. “The one thing we don't talk about is what happens when we  _ don't  _ let the sacrifice happen, when we let the world burn instead. There's consequences, Simon. Tonight, if- if Charles had died… everything would have went wrong. The alliance would have been stopped, downworlders would go back to being treated horribly, your life would have been hell. Not to mention, Alec would have been devastated and his relationship with Magnus would have been harder to manage with the Clave reacting after.” 

 

“Your life matters more,” Simon blurts, pressing his hands together so the way they shake won't be so obvious. “You have to know that. I- any of us would rather things suck than you be dead.” 

 

“I thought you'd-” 

 

“Seriously?” 

 

Jace's lips twitch at Simon's offended tone. “I know you're not a bad person, Simon. I just- I  _ thought  _ that my life wouldn't be as… important as theirs to you.” 

 

“Okay, look,” Simon says seriously, slowly walking towards Jace, holding his gaze, “I'm about to blow your mind. Even before…  _ everything,  _ I would have done the same exact thing. Your life is important, period. There's not a rank on that, like if you're above Clary or anyone else. If I'm beside you, if we're fighting the same battle, I'm going to pick you every single time, and there's nothing you can do about it.” 

 

“Don't say that,” Jace hisses, his hands curling into tight fists. “You- you  _ can't.”  _

 

“If it was me.” Simon licks his lips, the words getting stuck in his throat. He forces them out, that stupid hope beating out his fear. “Tell me you wouldn't do the same for me and I will stop.” 

 

Jace holds his gaze, his cheek jumping from how hard he's gritting his teeth. He takes a deep breath, opens his mouth, then says nothing. His mouth slowly closes and Simon watches his throat bob as if it's in slow motion. 

 

“Thought so,” Simon whispers. 

 

Jace averts his eyes. “That's- it's  _ different.”  _

 

“How? We're talking in hyperboles, right? So, if it was me or the world…” 

 

“Shut up.” 

 

“Answer me,” Simon insists, suddenly eager to know, desperate to hear the word. 

 

“You,” Jace snaps, as if he's angry about it, and his eyes sink closed with his shame. 

 

Simon's smile nearly hurts. “It's not different, Jace. It's the same exact thing. One, we're just good people, even if you're an asshole. And  _ two,  _ our lives matter. We don't trade lives for the world, that's as bad as letting the world burn. We save the world and we live through it; that's what we do.” 

 

“That goes against  _ everything  _ I know,” Jace informs him with a sigh, lips tipping down. 

 

“Well, Clary has that effect on people. Honestly, I think you guys needed her. You say you all got soft, but I think what changes you all have from her has made you stronger,” Simon murmurs. 

 

Jace huffs. “This isn't an apology, so stop treating it like one,” he mutters, narrowing his eyes. 

 

“So, what is it?” Simon asks lightly. 

 

“Well, I came here to explain to you  _ why  _ you can't be an idiot. Also, I planned to trade partners with Izzy and wanted to tell you before I did.” 

 

“Absolutely not!” 

 

“No?” Jace's eyebrow cocks at Simon's outburst. “I'm willing to listen to whatever  _ reasonable  _ arguments you might have against it.” 

 

Simon points at him. “One, caring doesn't make me an idiot, and if it does, you're a bigger idiot than me. So, we should just keep on being idiots together. Two, we fight surprisingly well together and I like you being my trainor. Izzy kind of terrifies me, if I'm being honest.” 

 

Jace snorts. “Not as dumb as you look then. Keep going, I'm not swayed.” 

 

“I can't have sex with Izzy,” Simon blurts out, then immediately wants to snatch the words out of the air. Regret is quickly becoming his companion in this new life of his. 

 

“Oh, is that all?” Jace asks sarcastically, rolling his eyes. “Is that supposed to-” 

 

“I'll  _ stop  _ having sex with you if you trade me in for Maia,” Simon interrupts, trying this tactic instead. 

 

Jace frowns. “Are you giving me an ultimatum right now? Is that what's happening?” 

 

“No, I'm trying to do something in your best interests, and not just for the sex.” Simon takes a deep breath and crosses his arms. “You can't push away the people who care about you just because you're scared of how much you care back. Not being my partner isn't going to stop us from caring, it'll just make it harder to manage our… you know.” 

 

“Maybe we should stop our… you know,” Jace comments casually, but Simon can hear his heart rate pick up as soon as he's said it. 

 

“Maybe,” Simon agrees. 

 

Before the word has fully settled in the air, Simon reaches out to cup Jace's face and steps forward to press a hard kiss to his lips. Maybe they should stop. Honestly… it's not even a maybe; they  _ definitely  _ should. And if Jace wants to, Simon  _ really  _ will. But if Jace isn't stopping, Simon isn't going to either. 

 

By the way Jace reaches up to grip his shoulders, a muffled groan passing between the kiss, he's definitely not stopping. 

 

Simon has no idea why this feels so good. He can't figure out why his body reacts like this the moment they touch. It's like he's alive again, which does things to him that he can't explain. Being dead makes feeling alive feel like ecstasy and freedom. 

 

Kissing Jace, touching Jace, losing himself to Jace… it's like an adrenaline shot straight to the heart. The audible rush of Jace's blood echoes through Simon, making him feel as if his own blood pumps. Every thump of Jace's heart feels like his own. Jace touches him and Simon comes back to life. 

 

They don't stop and they don't get new partners. 

  
  
  


* * *

  
  
  


The first time they have sex all the way happens a week later. They'd all just been told that the Clave had reached out to Alec and congratulated him on his alliance, promising to try and implement it in other places on a trial basis. All members of the alliance had pretty much immediately gotten together at the Hunter's Moon to celebrate. 

 

Simon and Jace had been praised left and right, even if majority of the group had no idea how they'd managed to pull it off. More than once, they'd been told how amazing their acting was to convince Charles that they didn't actually hate each other. 

 

Simon hates every second of the celebration. He barely can manage a smile, and when people notice, he just tells them he's hungry. It gives him the excuse to leave early, so he escapes with a hollow feeling in his gut. He just wants to go home and stop feeling as if someone reached into his chest and scraped everything out of it. 

 

He makes it halfway before he hears someone running after him. He whirls around, only to see Jace jogging up behind him. His panic subsides and he slows to a stroll as Jace catches up to him. They fall into step together. 

 

“How'd you get away?” Simon mumbles. 

 

Jace huffs a laugh. “Told them I had book club.” 

 

“Ah. So… sex.” 

 

“Not technically a lie.” 

 

Simon's lips twitch. “Fair enough.” 

 

“Why'd you leave?” Jace asks. 

 

Simon doesn't answer for a very long time. The truth knocks around in his head, mocking him, but he avoids it at all costs. He spends the entire walk to the boathouse in silence, thinking up an answer. 

 

The truth is… Simon hates this. Simon hates lying to his friends, hates people thinking he hates Jace, hates that he  _ doesn't  _ hate Jace. It makes him feel wrong, dirty. And while the sex is fun in that “forbidden fruit and we can't tell anyone” type of way, the repercussions of that kind of sucks. 

 

Simon sighs as they enter the boathouse together, slipping in and locking the door. Jace peels his jacket off, shakes it out, and hangs it over one of the boats on the middle rack. He's still waiting for an answer, just watching Simon curiously.

 

Simon says, “I wanted to celebrate another way.”

 

Jace's eyes brighten. “What did you have in mind?” 

 

“Not at the risk of being  _ too  _ cliche,” Simon jokes weakly, “but I had you in mind.” 

 

“And what did you want to do?” 

 

“Same thing we always do.” 

 

“Now, where's the fun in that?” Jace asks, smirking slightly. His heart starts beating faster, a telltale sign that he's either excited or nervous about whatever he's about to say. “It's a celebration, Simon. We can't celebrate with the same old, same old.” 

 

“Bored already?” Simon mutters. 

 

Jace rolls his eyes. “No, or I wouldn't be here.  _ But  _ we can celebrate with doing… something else.” 

 

“You can just tell me if you want to try something, Jace,” Simon says with a chuckle. “Like before.” 

 

_ With the blowjobs,  _ he thinks, but doesn't say. 

 

“Okay,” Jace drawls, “I want to try something.” 

 

“What is it?” 

 

“Everything.” 

 

Simon blinks. “Uh, you're gonna have to give me a little bit more than that, man.” 

 

Jace makes a face, his expression twisting into something shades away from being a grimace. His heart is beating in earnest now, so loud that Simon almost can't ignore it. He looks… well, he looks  _ worried.  _ And it seems as if he's working up to saying something, like he has to pull the words from his deepest dredges. Simon knows what he's going to say just before he says it. 

 

“We should have sex,” Jace says, each word coming out of his mouth weird, like they're individual and robotic. Jace grimaces immediately after. 

 

Simon is mean. “We've been having sex.” 

 

“Yes,” Jace grits out, his eyes narrowing, “but I mean,  _ sex.”  _

 

Simon is  _ really  _ mean. “What kind?” 

 

“Simon,” Jace snaps, folding his arms together. 

 

“You could just… say it, you know. Penetration. Clearing all the bases. Going all the way.” Simon's lips are steadily spreading wide. 

 

“Fucking,” Jace counters, arching an eyebrow. 

 

“I won't fuck,” Simon says immediately, the words firm and serious. 

 

Jace frowns. “Wait, what?” 

 

“I'm serious. I have sex. I won't fuck.” 

 

“You… what?”

 

“That word takes all the intimacy out of it, depending on how it's used. It can be hot, sure, but your first time will  _ not  _ be fucking,” Simon informs him without missing a beat. 

 

“What if I want it to be?” Jace asks curiously, genuinely asking, not being a contradictory ass. 

 

Simon shrugs. “Then find someone else who can do that for you. If your first time with a man, all the way, is with  _ me…  _ it will be something you never have to look back on and cringe about.” 

 

“Was yours?” Jace frowns. “You said-” 

 

“It wasn't good at all. It hurt, he wasn't careful, and we were both stupid. I hate that he was my first. We didn't even love each other.” 

 

“We don't love each other.” 

 

Simon bites back the retort rising in his throat, sure it'll get him in trouble, even if he has no idea what it is. “But I care about you enough to make sure you don't hate it, so that's all that matters.” 

 

“Is it going to hurt?” Jace asks carefully. 

 

“Depends on which end you want to be on.” 

 

“Does it count if-” 

 

“It counts both ways. Jace, you're not dumb,  _ especially  _ when it comes to sex, so stop playing like you are. You know how it works, at the very least, which means you asked someone or you did research, which means you already know what you want to do. I'm fine with either, so tell me what you want and don't be ashamed about it.” 

 

“Easy for you to say. You just- you already  _ knew.  _ I- I didn't know this about myself before you- before we started this.” 

 

Simon softens at that. “Really? You had no idea that you liked guys? I mean, that's okay and completely normal. I just- well… you didn't think it was completely straight to give me a hickey, did you?” 

 

“Honestly? I didn't think about it; I just wanted to fuck with you,” Jace admits, shrugging without any shame whatsoever. “And I thought, when you first kissed me, that I wasn't going to be affected by it. And then, I  _ was.”  _

 

“You told me to bring it on,” Simon says with a smug grin, shrugging triumphantly. “And you said I had no sex appeal. Look who's the fool now.” 

 

Jace tsks. “Shut up. You're not making my first time very special right now.” 

 

“Your first time doesn't officially start until you tell me what you want,” Simon says softly. 

 

“You're going to make me say it?” Jace murmurs bitterly, running his tongue under his top lip. 

 

Simon nods apologetically. “For two reasons. One, it's nothing to be ashamed of. Two, I'm not going to assume anything and do something you don't want. This has to have more communication, man. This is more than just hands and mouths.” 

 

“What if I want to do both?” 

 

“Then, we will do both. But we'll do one tonight first. It's up to you which one.” 

 

“No suggestions?” 

 

“Like I said, I'm good with either.” 

 

Jace sighs. “Fine.  _ Fine.  _ If you want to hear me say it, then I will. I want you to not-fuck me.” 

 

Simon can't help it, he snorts. “Well, would you look at that, the world didn't burn down.” 

 

“Simon, are you going to kiss me or not?” Jace grits out, crossing his arms. 

 

“Not yet. Come here, I'm going to show you something.” Simon leads Jace over to the little jewelry box sitting innocently on his tiny bedside table. He opens it, watches Jace blink. “This is lube. It's  _ very  _ important for this. I assume you know what a condom is?” 

 

Jace shoots him a look. “Yes, I know what a condom is, you idiot. Wait, why do you have those?” 

 

“Well, my mom was big on safe sex and-” 

 

“No, Simon, I just- you're a  _ vampire.”  _

 

“Yeah.” Simon frowns. “So?” 

 

“You can't contract sexual transmitted diseases, which means you can't give any,” Jace says, like Simon is the biggest idiot alive. “You can't have kids either, so you don't  _ need  _ condoms.” 

 

“Ah,” Simon says, blinking, “I knew that. I just- I always wore condoms. I guess I've always been a little bit scared to get an STD.” 

 

“Well,” Jace says lightly, “one perk of vampirism is that you don't have to anymore.”

 

Simon snorts. “Well, there is that. Okay, in that case, just the lube then. You ever used any?” 

 

“Never needed to.” 

 

“Man, you're missing out. Even with girls, this makes everything so smooth. They love it, usually.” 

 

“The girls I've had sex with never needed it,” Jace tells him with a tiny smirk. 

 

“You do know that girls can get aroused and not self-lubricate, right? It's pretty common,” Simon replies with raised eyebrows. 

 

Jace's smirk falters. “I… did not- no, you know what, how did  _ you  _ know that?” 

 

“A very sexually aware sister, a mother who harped about safe-sex, and the internet. Oh, and Clary. Wait, not like that. We didn't- I mean, she just talked to me sometimes.” Simon winces, feeling the familiar blustering anxiety rise. “She did, before we had sex, not so much now, but you probably didn't want to know that. Oh, g- I can't stop talking, why can't I just  _ stop-”  _

 

“Simon,” Jace says sharply, making his mouth slam shut, “I don't care what you and Clary did. I'm not seconds from having sex with Clary, am I? So, get back to your weird sex lesson.” 

 

Simon huffs a laugh, relief pouring through him as Jace rolls his eyes. “Right. So, the lube is pretty self-explanatory; it makes things all slippery and smooth, and if I'm honest, it can be a little messy. But it feels  _ really  _ good, so there's that. It'll help when I- well, might as well just say it, right? It'll make it easier when I… open you up.” 

 

Jace's eyebrows shoot up as Simon grimaces at his own words. “When you do  _ what?”  _

 

“There's literally no way to make that sound sexy.” 

 

“I already knew what you were going to do with it, I just wanted to watch you explain.” 

 

“Wait, you know?” Simon blurts. 

 

Jace's mouth splits into a smile, lighting his whole face up, and Simon is sure he's never seen something so beautiful. Then, Jace says, “Yeah, man. Like you said, I already knew something about it. I'm not completely stupid.” 

 

Simon scowls. “Well, in  _ that  _ case, let me give you all the gorey details. I'm going to lube up a finger, probe you with it until you like it, then I'm going to-” 

 

“Okay, okay!” Jace reaches out and shoves lightly at Simon's shoulder, laughing without even seeming to realize it. “How about you tell me if it's going to hurt or not?” 

 

“It'll be uncomfortable at first,” Simon admits, then hums quietly. “Probably less uncomfortable if I'm giving you a handjob while I do it.” 

 

Jace tips his head from side to side. “I mean, I'm not going to say no to that.” 

 

“If, at any point, you want me to stop, you need to tell me,” Simon says, suddenly serious. 

 

“Why wouldn't I?” Jace asks, clearly confused. 

 

Simon clears his throat. “I didn't. I thought- well, when I first did this, I thought I had to push through, that it would get better over time. But if you're not enjoying it, we don't have to do it. Jace, you  _ never  _ have to do it if you don't want to.” 

 

Jace just looks at him, his face going blank. His arms drops to his sides, fingers open and still. He looks as if he's retreated into his own head, gone somewhere far away, leaving the moment entirely. He does this sometimes, so Simon patiently waits for him to come back, already used to this. 

 

“I'll tell you,” Jace says, blinking as he comes back to himself, lips tipping down. “What was his name? The guy who you had your first time with? Does he still live here?” 

 

Simon opens his mouth to tell him, the words on the tip of his tongue, but then the overly casual tone Jace had used hits him. Simon flicks his gaze down to Jace's hands, sees them clenched into fists, and closes his mouth. Something goes warm in his chest as he realizes that Jace is mad  _ for him.  _

 

“You'd hunt him down and beat his ass,” Simon muses lightly, amusement gripping him. 

 

Jace presses his lips into a thin line, then quietly murmurs, “If you tell me his name, yeah.” 

 

“It was years ago, Jace,” Simon tells him gently, fighting a smile. “We were  _ both  _ young and stupid. I haven't thought of him in years.” 

 

“I'm not jealous,” Jace snaps, eyes narrowing. 

 

Simon sighs. “I know. You're just-  _ you.  _ And you know that my first time sucked because of him, so you want to go kick his ass  _ for me,  _ which is very adorable by the way.” 

 

“First of all, I'm not adorable,  _ ever,”  _ Jace informs him in a clipped tone. “And second, I just I don't think it's fair. You're so…  _ nice  _ about this, which is sickening by the way.” 

 

“It's whatever,” Simon says with a shrug. “You live and you learn. Besides, it helped me get way better at sex much faster, so I can't complain.” 

 

“I can't either,” Jace says, then immediately rolls his eyes at himself. 

 

Simon grins. “Adorable.” 

 

“Shut up. Are you going to not-fuck me now?” 

 

“Eager?” 

 

“You could say I'm curious,” Jace corrects.

 

“Alright,” Simon allows, picking the lube up and tossing it on the bed. Using his vampire speed, he has himself and Jace out of their shirts in seconds. He watches Jace glance down at his chest in bemusement. “It helps if we're naked.” 

 

“You could do that the whole time?” Jace asks with a frown, looking at Simon in disbelief, like he can't  _ believe  _ Simon hasn't been using his vampire speed to get them undressed this whole time. 

 

Simon rolls his eyes. “Just lose the pants, Jace.” 

 

Jace grumbles quietly as he starts in on his belt. At this point, they have no shame about being naked in front of each other. They've been doing it pretty consistently for the past two months, so this isn't a line they have to worry about crossing. 

 

What comes next, however… 

 

Simon knows how monumental this is, even if Jace doesn't. Not that he's having a first time, but that his first time is with  _ Simon.  _ This means something, and as much as Simon tries to think otherwise, it feels like taking the last step to spiraling fully out of control. A part of Simon knows that he, at least, won't be able to come back from this. 

 

He tells himself to stop it, to halt it before it can end with him getting hurt, but every fibre of his being  _ wants  _ this. He knows that's as bad of as sign as ever, but he doesn't heed the warning. 

 

The moment Jace is fully naked, Simon knows his chance of putting a halt to this is over. 

 

Jace is like a masterpiece in motion. He's covered in runes, some fresh and raised, some like faint scars. His body is the first thing that pops into Simon's head when he considers perfection, even if Jace himself is not. Even with scars and bruises from fights, he manages to look unblemished - it's like Jace took what anyone would consider attractive and flipped it to fit himself. He has fair skin, light hair, and every sinewy muscle looks earned. 

 

Simon has never wanted to lick someone as much as he wants to lick Jace, which is a weird urge to have, he knows, but he can't help it. The very sight of Jace makes his mouth water and that's  _ so  _ annoying. 

 

“I've never told you this,” Jace murmurs, his eyes dragging over Simon's naked body as if he's genuinely appreciating it, “but you're really easy on the eyes. Like,  _ really  _ easy.” 

 

Simon blinks. “What?” 

 

“Yeah,” Jace says, blinking rapidly, his gaze snatching up to Simon's. “You're actually a fucking  _ tootsie pop, _ I can't believe that. The shit you wear does nothing for your body, but underneath…” 

 

“You think I'm attractive?” Simon asks in delight. 

 

Jace stares at him. “Simon, I've literally had your dick in my mouth. If I  _ didn't,  _ we would not be here right now.” 

 

“Huh,” Simon grunts, grinning stupidly. 

 

“So vain,” Jace scolds lightly. 

 

“Says  _ you.  _ I've seen you in front of a mirror; you look like you're falling in love with your reflection.” 

 

“Which is fair. I mean, look at me.” 

 

“You're a lot prettier when your mouth is shut.” 

 

“Or wrapped around your-” 

 

“Okay!” Simon flings a hand up, clearing his throat while Jace smirks. “Go get on the bed.” 

 

Jace does, his heart picking up speed, and Simon casually follows him. Acting as if he's entirely calm about this, Jace slides onto the bed and picks up the lube to read the tiny print on it. Simon watches him concentrate, just stares at the little frown he has as he reads, can't tear his eyes away from the sight of Jace laid up against his pillows like they're his own. 

 

Something tickles the back of Simon's mind, a taunting thought trying to come to fruition, and Simon actively runs from it by moving to the bed and snatching the lube from Jace. Before a protest can be made, Simon curls one hand around Jace's head and tugs him down for a kiss. 

 

The slowing heart rate picks back up. 

 

Simon sinks back into his pillows with a hum of approval, enjoying the way Jace immediately curls over him, one hand landing on his side as he chases the kiss. The position is a little awkward with Simon on his back and Jace sitting up, twisting to hover over him, but the kiss does wonders for the mood. 

 

The intensity spikes, heating the moment, making them clutch at each other and kiss harder. Simon can't pinpoint what it is exactly, but he abruptly feels like he can't get close enough, like they're still so far apart. He whimpers into the kiss, fingers tightening on whatever part of Jace he's touching. Jace's response is a low groan. 

 

There's always a moment when kissing leads to other things, when it reaches a point that they need more. This moment approaches fast, so Simon embraces it. Without preamble, he puts both hands to Jace's chest and shoves, leaning up as he slams Jace back into the bed. Jace goes down with a little huff of surprise, his eyes wide as he stares up at Simon in wonder. Simon doesn't hesitate, just follows the motion and slings himself into Jace's lap with vampire speed, breathing heavily. 

 

Jace blinks rapidly. “What are you-” 

 

“Shut up,” Simon says breathlessly, leaning into Jace to kiss him yet again. 

 

Jace shuts up, not that he can say much with Simon kissing him deeply. Simon fumbles for the lube while scooting back in Jace's lap. He never breaks the kiss, just presses in harder, sucking Jace's tongue hard, taking every desperate sound Jace makes like the victory it is. Finally, he finds the lube. With his left hand, he pops the lid, and with his right, he lines their dicks up and grasps them both. Without warning, he pulls away to stare at his target, pouring a long stream of lube over them both. 

 

Jace hisses at the contact because it's cold, but Simon immediately starts moving his hand to warm them both. The sensation is perfect. There's no catching of skin, no need to pause and add spit, it's just smooth and wet. Jace makes a small sound, his lips parting, and they're slick and swollen from Simon's kiss. At the sight, Simon can't stop himself from diving right back in. 

 

They trade moans, panting into each other's mouths. Simon still holds the lube in his left hand while his right works them both over, but both of Jace's hands are clamoring at Simon's shoulders, nails digging in as he tries to get them closer. 

 

So, zero to sixty in one kiss. True to form, they are. 

 

But Jace wants more, so Simon intends to give it to him. He pulls away from the kiss slowly, relishing in the disappointed groan that seems to drag from Jace's throat. Jace's eyes are screwed shut, his chest heaving, and Simon loves him.

 

Oh god, Simon  _ loves him.  _

 

Simon goes very still, the thought rendering him useless for a moment. Realistically, he's known this was coming, could see it from a mile away, but that doesn't make accepting it any easier. But Jace grunts his annoyance at all the stopping, so Simon mentally smacks himself. This has to be a sex thing, just a heat of the moment kind of situation. He'll revisit it after, he's sure it's not like that. 

 

Gathering himself, Simon lifts himself up on his knees and keeps his right hand on Jace's dick as he drops his own. He walks on his knees back a few spaces until he's below Jace's knees. Wordlessly, he presses the back of his hand against Jace's leg, urging him to bend it at the knee. 

 

It takes a couple of tries with all the limbs, but Jace eventually manages to bend his leg. Simon is basically straddling his other when he leans over to press a kiss against the muscled thigh of the now bent leg. Again, wordlessly, he nudges Jace's leg to get him to slide it to the side, spreading the space between his legs wider. 

 

Swallowing, Jace slowly does. 

 

Simon doesn't let himself think about it, just lifts his hand away from Jace's dick and pours lube over nearly all his fingers. It  _ is  _ messy, but Simon would rather have too much than not enough. With that, he switches hands, stroking Jace with his left and angling his right to press down behind his balls. 

 

“ _ Shit!”  _ Jace jerks, his eyes going wide. “By the Angel, you'll be the death of me, Simon Lewis.” 

 

Simon bites back a chuckle. “Let's hope not.” 

 

“Are you going to-” 

 

“Yes. Relax.” 

 

Jace tenses immediately, then clears his throat and relaxes in increments. Simon waits until even his face has smoothed out before he pushes his hand farther down and sets to do the very thing Jace wants him to. And it's not something that can be explained in a sexy way,  _ but  _ the act itself is very arousing. It's something to do with the heat, the tightness, the clenching around his finger; it's knowing that his dick will feel that soon enough. 

 

Jace makes a variety of faces. At first, it's just discomfort, like he does not agree with this kind of contact  _ at all.  _ Simon waits for him to say to stop, but his face morphs into something else. Then, he just looks baffled, like he can't understand how  _ anyone  _ likes this. Still, Jace doesn't ask him to stop. And as his finger slides in easier and deeper, Jace's face changes into consideration, like maybe this isn't so bad after all. Two seconds later, Simon presses his finger deeper and curls up just so, and Jace's face spasms in his shock. 

 

“Oh,” he chokes out. 

 

Simon hums. “Yep, there it is.” 

 

“Do that again.” 

 

“I plan to.” 

 

Simon tries to hit the sweet spot every time, but it's not an exact science and the angle doesn't help. He eventually manages to work a second finger in slowly, making Jace look conflicted. Simon knows how it feels, having been through it himself. It burns, feels like an intrusion, but it also feels good and full at the same time. 

 

Jace doesn't tell him to stop, so Simon continues. He's careful and slow, never stops working his left hand over Jace, always watches for the first sign of pain outside of just discomfort. 

 

The transition from being uncomfortable to feeling good eventually makes an appearance. Jace relaxes fully and shifts so there's more space, which does wonders for Simon's wrist  _ and  _ his aim. It gives him the range of motion to stretch him in either direction, wide and tall, properly preparing him. 

 

Simon knows when Jace is ready. His chest is back to heaving, his arousal is more apparent, there's a glaze of frustration over his eyes, and he's minutely shifting his hips to try to take more of Simon's fingers. Except, Simon's fingers are going as deep as they can go and meet no resistance as they glide in and out. He's going to be as okay as he can get at this point, so Simon removes his fingers. 

 

Jace frowns. “Why'd you-” 

 

“Why do you think?” Simon asks softly, shifting to place himself between Jace's legs. 

 

“That's going to hurt,” Jace mutters, eyeing Simon's dick a little warily. 

 

Simon chuckles. “You'd be surprised what your body will adapt to. If you don't want to, we don't have to. But if you do, bend your other leg.” 

 

Jace bends his other leg without comment. 

 

Simon takes it incredibly slow, every centimeter feeling like the air punches out of him. Jace has one arm thrown over his face, so all Simon can see is his bottom lip caught between perfect, white teeth. He lets Jace adjust a little at a time, holding his breath the whole way, forcing himself to hold still every other moment and be very careful. 

 

It feels like eternity and a second before he's actually bottomed out. Jace slowly moves his arm off his face and just stares at him. 

 

“I'm okay,” Jace whispers, like the moment is too fragile to shatter with regular volume. 

 

“Do you want me to move?” Simon asks just as softly, matching Jace's pitch. 

 

Jace just nods. Simon very slowly drags out, only halfway, then pushes back in. He's careful, moves as slowly as possible, lives for that drag and push. Jace hums quietly, fingers lightly moving over the bedsheets, and looks up at Simon with a strange look that he's never worn before. 

 

This time, when Simon moves, he pulls all the way out and rolls all the way back in. Jace's eyes flutter and he releases a long breath. Simon can feel how hard he's trying to stay relaxed and it's actually helping out a lot. Simon guesses he could help with that some too. 

 

Gingerly, Simon presses forward and twines his right hand between their bodies to stroke Jace's lubed up dick as he presses a kiss to his lips. The movement makes Jace's body fold in a little bit, makes his legs hike up, makes his knees knock into Simon's sides, and Simon thinks this is the closest he's ever felt to someone while having sex. 

 

After that, it's a blur. 

 

Simon is gentle throughout, but when Jace demands he go faster, he does. Jace's hands rake at his skin, and more than once, his back arches off the bed. They kiss until Jace is too breathless to do so, then they rest their foreheads together. Simon tells himself it's just the position, that it has nothing to do with the yearning in his heart. 

 

When they moan, it's like trading secrets. When Simon's lucky enough to hit that sweet spot, he gets rewarded with Jace's breath catching and his lips sliding mindlessly over his cheek as he groans in his ear. When they open their eyes and look at each other, it's impossible to look away. 

 

They stare at each other, foreheads pressed together, and Simon is so wrecked by this he thinks he might just cry. Jace falls apart in his arms, all around him, finding release and looking ridiculously beautiful doing it. He clenches tight around Simon, that encasing heat sucking him in, and it's all Simon can do to pull out and come on his bed. There will be a wet spot, but Simon  _ really  _ doesn't care. 

 

Jace goes lax, his legs dropping, his hands falling back to the pillows. His eyes droop almost immediately and his lips curl up just so at the corners. Simon doesn't force himself to stop when he gets the urge to kiss him quickly, humming into the contact, and Jace doesn't complain. 

 

“So?” Simon asks as he flings himself off Jace and falls to the side of the bed he never sleeps on. 

 

Jace hums. “Yeah,” he says simply.

 

“Good?” 

 

“Good.” 

 

Simon beams at the ceiling. “Great.” 

 

“I should go,” Jace says with a sigh, his mouth cracking wide with a yawn immediately after. 

 

“Oh. Right.” 

 

“I guess I'm tired though.” 

 

“You- you can stay, if you want,” Simon offers cautiously, turning his head towards Jace to watch his reaction. 

 

Jace turns on his side to stare at Simon, his blond hair splaying out on the pillow like a halo. His lips curl farther. “I probably shouldn't. If I don't get back early enough, everyone will worry.” 

 

“Right. That's- yeah.” Simon tries to hide just how disappointed he is. “Makes sense.” 

 

“I'll probably wake up early though,” Jace counters lightly, as if he's arguing with himself. “I rarely sleep past seven unless I'm really comfortable.” 

 

“Not even when you're worn out?” 

 

“Don't go assuming you wore me out, Simon.” 

 

Simon grins. “But I did. Look at you, you're all soft and sleepy. I- I like you like this. You're quiet.” 

 

“That your way of saying you'll be not-fucking me on the regular?” Jace asks, smiling wider and brighter than Simon's ever got to witness. 

 

“That your way of asking me to?” Simon retorts. 

 

Jace hums and closes his eyes. “Shut up.” 

 

“You going to sleep?” 

 

“Suppose I could stay if s'okay.” 

 

Simon's lips curl up. “Yeah, whatever you want.” 

 

“Mhm,” Jace murmurs, then says nothing else as he visibly sinks into sleep. 

 

Simon swallows and reaches a hand out, one finger pushing the one traitorous strand of hair off Jace's forehead to join the others on the pillow. His skin barely brushes Jace's, but as soon as the contact happens, Jace curls closer to Simon. 

 

Jace's head lands on Simon's shoulder, hair mushing up and tickling Simon's neck, and one arm slings over Simon's waist. Jace doesn't wake up, just clings to Simon and makes a small snuffling sound. They lay there together, skin on skin, and Simon is scared to breathe. 

 

Achingly slowly, he turns his head down to press his lips to Jace's forehead, a slither of fear making him flinch back, but Jace doesn't react at all. Swallowing, Simon carefully wraps one arm around Jace, presses his lips over Jace's forehead, and closes his eyes. 

 

Simon knows then and there that it's love, knows he's in deep, and he is  _ terrified.  _ But that doesn't stop himself from sinking into this moment with Jace.

 

If this is all he gets, he wants to cherish it. 

 

 

* * *

  
  
  


Simon jerks awake at the sound of knocking. 

 

Groaning quietly, Simon starts to move when he realizes that the weight pressed into his side belongs to Jace. He stares for a moment, his unbeating heart in his throat, but another firm knock jolts him back to reality. Jace doesn't even twitch, his breathing even and deep, his eyelashes looking so  _ pretty  _ against his cheeks. 

 

Simon eases out of his grip, taking in a shaky breath when Jace's fingers tighten on him, like he doesn't want him to go, and a crease forms in his eyebrow. But then, he's practically out of the bed anyway, so Simon finishes pulling away. 

 

He realizes he's naked and hungry, so he blurs through the boathouse to throw on pants and grab some blood to pour in his thermos. He drinks it as he pads over to the door, humming quietly as he eases it open slightly. 

 

Simon realizes a few things all at once. One, the sunlight that pours through the door can only belong to the afternoon, so they definitely slept in. Two, he's answering the door in nothing but pants that hang low on his hips and show he's not wearing underwear. Three, he's about ten seconds from panicking because Clary and Alec stand at his door while Jace is asleep in his bed. 

 

Clary's eyebrows shoot up. “Well, good morning to you, Simon. Looks like you had a good night.” 

 

“I- I- what are you doing here?” Simon blurts, clenching his thermos hard and staring wide eyed. 

 

“Have you seen Jace?” Alec asks briskly, getting straight to the point. “He left a little late last night for  _ book club,  _ but he hasn't come back. He missed morning patrols, his phone is off, and we're all worried. Do you know anything?” 

 

Simon panics. “What? Why would you- how am I supposed to  _ know?  _ I don't know anything! Why would I know anything? I don't even know Jace whatever his last name is at this point. See? I don't even know his last name! Why would I- why would you even think- I don't-” 

 

“Simon,” Clary cuts him off, staring at him like he's grown a second head, “calm down, jeez. No one thinks you killed him, relax.” 

 

_ “Did  _ you kill him?” Alec asks suspiciously. 

 

A sound from his left garners his attentions. Jace is officially up and moving, one hand lifting up to dig his palm into his eye as he stumbles over his own pants. He's yawning, his hair is fluffy, and he's so unbearably cute that Simon wants to melt into a puddle and die. He's  _ also  _ heading right for Simon, which will put him into view. 

 

“Oh my god,” Clary breaths, staring at Simon's face in awe, “is your hookup still here? What's her name? Or his? Can I see-” 

 

Simon puts his hand against Clary's face and shoves her back, choking on his own panic as Jace draws closer, blinking sleepily. “Nothing! No one, just- just  _ go away!  _ I'm- I'm busy, so just please-” 

 

Alec rolls his eyes and leans forward, sticking his head around the doorway before Simon can stop him. His eyes go wide when he sees Jace and he jerks back. Simon flicks a glance at Jace, who is apparently oblivious and a fucking idiot in the mornings because he just keeps right on walking towards Simon as he runs a hand through his hair. 

 

“Clary,” Alec chokes out, gripping her elbow and staring at Simon with wide eyes, “I- I just remembered something. Jace might actually be passed out in a storage closet at the institute. Can- can you go check for me?” 

 

Clary stares at him like he's crazy. “Alec, what-” 

 

“That's an order!” Alec blurts a bit deliriously, tugging Clary back and pushing her towards Luke's waiting car. “Just- just go ahead; I'll catch up with you. Um, I'm sure Jace is… okay.” 

 

Alec doesn't wait for her to agree, just shoves Simon back and slides into the boathouse. He slams the door in Clary's face and locks it, whirling around to stare at Jace and Simon with wide eyes. Simon shoots a desperate look at Jace, who is now frozen with a deer-in-the-headlights look. 

 

No one says anything for a long moment, even as Luke's engine rumbles as he drives away. 

 

“Alec, I- I can explain,” Jace says warily. 

 

“You can?” Simon blurts. 

 

Alec jerks his hands out towards Simon, gesturing at him wildly.  _ “He's  _ book club? Really, Jace? It's Simon!” 

 

Jace heaves a sigh and his shoulders sag. “Okay, so we've been having sex, no big deal.” 

 

“No-  _ no big deal!  _ Jace, I'm your parabatai,” Alec sputters, waving his hands around wildly. “You're supposed to tell me these things so I can let you know that you've gone completely  _ insane!”  _

 

“Hey,” Simon mutters sullenly. 

 

Jace frowns. “Wait, so you don't- I mean, you don't object to me having sex with a guy, just Simon?” 

 

The face Alec's face makes is so flat it could be the new definition of it. “I'm  _ gay,  _ dumbass. Why would I care about you liking guys?” 

 

“Dunno,” Jace mumbles, shrugging and awkwardly shifting in place. 

 

“Okay, as heartwarming as this is, I'm  _ really  _ not comfortable at this particular moment,” Simon says, clearing his throat. “This is not  _ at all  _ how I wanted to spend my morning after-” 

 

“Simon,” Jace hisses, eyes going a little wide, his hands coming up and immediately dropping. 

 

Alec looks disgusted. “Seriously, Jace?  _ Simon?”  _

 

“Really feeling the love here,” Simon gripes, crossing his arms and huffing. 

 

Jace's heart  _ thump, thumps  _ in his chest, gaining speed abruptly for no reason at all. 

 

“How long has this been going on?” Alec asks, frowning between them. 

 

“You don't have to answer that,” Simon tells Jace, wincing when Alec shoots him a glare. “What, my mom's a lawyer!” 

 

Jace sighs. “Two months. And  _ no,  _ I didn't mean to. I gave him a hickey one day, it was for a cover, but Simon tells me that wasn't exactly straight behavior. We got into a sort of argument, one thing led to another, and… yeah.” 

 

“You're a disaster,” Alec says firmly, reaching up to pinch the bridge of his nose. “Of  _ course,  _ I don't know why I didn't see it. Only  _ you  _ do shit like this, Jace.” 

 

“To be fair, I didn't  _ mean  _ to,” Jace reiterates with a frown, crossing his arms over his naked chest. 

 

For the second time, Simon blurts, “Hey!” 

 

“Only you, Jace. Only you could have a crush on a guy, turn it into hostility, and  _ still  _ get with him,” Alec mutters, shaking his head. 

 

Simon's head snaps around. “Wait, what? Who said anything about a crush? This is- there's no crush! We're- it's just- this is  _ just  _ sex.” 

 

“Yeah, that,” Jace agrees quietly. 

 

Alec arches an eyebrow. “Oh? So you two have just been sneaking around for two months to be with each other when there are plenty of other options because it's  _ not  _ a crush. Right.” 

 

“We're not together,” Simon says firmly. “We were just… releasing frustration. And- and it was just experimental. It's- it's not like that.” 

 

“Yeah,” Jace repeats softer, “that.” 

 

“You need new partners,” Alec says suddenly, his eyes right on Jace, lips turned down. 

 

Simon coughs. “No, we just-” 

 

“Actually,” Jace cuts in, “that's a great idea.” 

 

Jace abruptly turns on his heel and marches towards the bed to gather his shirt and boots. His whole body is tense, which Simon guesses is fair considering his brother just found out he wasn't straight. Still, he doesn't think that's a reason not to be partners anymore. They only had sex while out on mission, like… twice. They work great together. 

 

“I don't think that's a great idea,” Simon puts in, crossing his arms and frowning. 

 

Alec clears his throat. “Well, maybe-” 

 

“I think it's perfect,” Jace says sharply, coming back around the corner with a scowl, his jacket thrown over his arm. “I mean, it's not like we have any reason to work together, do we? You'll be just fine with Izzy or Clary.” 

 

“But I don't want-” Simon cuts himself off, the too true words getting stuck in his throat.  _ I don't want them, I want you.  _ But he can't say that, not without ruining everything. “Right.” 

 

Jace marches to the door and flings it open so hard it shakes on its mechanism and bangs loudly into the harsh silence. Grinning at Simon with all teeth, expression full of anger, Jace says, “I think it's for the best. It  _ was  _ just an experiment, so don't fucking worry about it.  _ Experiment over.”  _

 

Without another word, Jace stalks out the door. 

 

Simon's mouth drops open as he stares after him, his stomach tying into knots. Alec doesn't move for a moment, one eyebrow arched expectantly, but Simon can't imagine what he's waiting for. Sighing, Alec just shakes his head and follows Jace out, shutting the door behind him. 

 

Simon stares around the empty room, feeling empty himself, and thinks,  _ I told you so, Lewis, I fucking told you this was a bad idea!  _

 

He hates that he was right.


	3. Chapter 3

When Simon had broken it off with Clary, he'd been devastated for all of two weeks. 

  


To be fair, he'd thought he'd killed a mundane within those two weeks, and he'd barely got out of bed for the rest of those days. It had been Maia who had dragged him out of his funk, and by the time those two weeks were up, Simon had just missed his best friend. It was in that moment that he realized his love for her had gotten achingly mixed up. And when it came time, they continued on without so much as a stutter, because they weren't ever really in love. 

  


This is nothing like that. 

  


Simon functions just fine, thank you very much. He gets up, he goes out, he socializes, and he doesn't waste away in his bed. 

  


What he does do, however, is become someone else entirely, someone he despises with his whole being, someone he can't help but be. His smiles are faint and fake, his jokes don't really ever leave his head - what's the point? He is tired all the time, exhausted by the constant dull ache in his chest. 

  


With Clary, it had felt like being staked, a sharp pain popping up whenever he thought about their breakup. This is so,  _ so  _ much worse. Simon walks around feeling as if there's a constant throb of hurt in his chest, never faltering, needing no reminder. 

  


No matter what Simon's doing, no matter where he is, no matter what he's thinking about, there's a hollow pulse of pain right in the middle of his chest. It makes it hard to breathe, and he doesn't even  _ need to.  _ It just- it hurts, all the time. 

  


Simon realizes in the middle of the third week that he hadn't mixed up his feeling for Jace at all. Well, not when he realized them anyway. He does love Jace, that's not a mix up, and it refuses to go away. He waits for it to stop, to fade, but it won't; it's like having a severed limb - he  _ knows  _ it's not there, but the ghost of its pain is still vivid anyway. 

  


It doesn't help that anyone with eyes can see that something is up. Everyone asks him what's wrong, everyone wants to know why he's so subdued, everyone tries to check on him. And he  _ knows  _ that it's pathetic, that this was two months compared to most of his life believing he was in love with his best friend, but this somehow left a bigger indent on his heart than that. 

  


The fact that  _ Jace  _ is his epic love and not Clary makes his head spin sometimes. 

  


Simon hasn't seen Jace in two and half weeks, and he misses him. Not just for the sex, but for his smirks and his snark and his  _ everything.  _ Simon works with Izzy now, who'd been fine with the change, but she teases him relentlessly about the fact that he and Jace couldn't play nice. 

  


But that's the thing, they can play nice - they  _ did.  _ It just abruptly went up in smoke and Simon has no idea why. He knows what Jace said, that it was just an experiment and he put an end to it, but Simon's ridiculous heart doesn't seem to get that memo. It feels like there was never any closure. 

  


One night, Simon can't take it anymore. He calls Clary and chokes out that he needs her. She's there in under an hour, and as soon as he sees her, he falls into her arms and cries. She sprawls out on his bed with his head in her lap, cards her fingers through his hair, and hums quietly as he sobs. 

  


After, she asks, just once, and all Simon can make himself say is that it was a bad breakup. Clary doesn't ask for details because she's a literal angel, and she keeps an eye on him after that night. 

  


After having that, Simon's slightly better. Well, he's better at pretending. His new motto is  _ fake it 'til you make it,  _ which is so depressing, but he takes it seriously. By the time the month comes to an end, Simon  _ almost  _ has himself convinced that he's over it. 

  


Except, one thing. 

  


Everyone is meeting at Magnus’ again for their monthly meeting and Simon will be seeing Jace for the first time in three weeks. He's been doing everything in his power to avoid him, but this isn't something he can get out of without being dead - again. So, he stares at himself in the mirror, tells himself that he's going to make it through this, and breezes out the door. 

  


He's the last to arrive, which does nothing for his anxiety levels. Everyone is already talking to somebody, which leaves him no distractions, and his eyes find Jace immediately. 

  


Jace looks mostly normal, still criminally pretty, but he also looks very tired. He's leaning up against the wall beside the couch, his arms crossed, just staring off into space, and Simon's suddenly seconds from running right back out the door. Before he gets the chance, Jace's eyes flicker up and lock on his, pinning Simon in place without trying. 

  


_ Thump, thump, thumpthumpthumpthump- _

  


Jace's heartbeat skyrockets, jack-rabbiting loud into the silence of Simon's mind. Jace has that look in his eyes, that look Simon's never been able to put a name to, and it kind of rips Simon up inside. 

  


Everything in the room besides Jace becomes obsolete. He doesn't hear it when Raphael asks Jace if he's okay, also able to hear the heartbeat. He doesn't see Alec shooting him glares, looking seconds from ripping Simon apart with his bare hands. He doesn't notice the entire room go silent as everyone locates the tension and stares between him and Jace in blatant confusion. 

  


All he can focus on is Jace's rapid heart rate and the way his lips part just so, like he's tasting the air around him. They stare and stare and  _ stare,  _ and Simon knows he should be looking away or saying something, but Jace isn't either. 

  


“Jace, you sound like there's a very angry bird in your chest,” Raphael says, suddenly flitting across the room to stand between them like they might attack, effectively cutting of their eye contact. 

  


Simon blinks rapidly, crossing his arms and staring at the floor with his jaw clenched. He's mildly horrified by the tears that itches his eyes, so he blinks them away as quick as he can. He hears Jace's clothes shift, hears him take in a sip of air, hears his heart continue to thunder away; it's like Simon's tuned to his radio, hearing him more anyone else. 

  


“Oh my god,” Clary breathes, and Simon's eyes snap up to land on hers. 

  


She knows. He knows she knows. Understanding steals over her face as her eyes get wide, her focus on him as she watches his every move. Simon knows it's no use trying to dissuade her; Clary is his best friend, she  _ knows  _ him, and she knows what he looks like when his heart is broken. 

  


“We're going to keep this short,” Alec declares sharply, making everyone in the room look at him. He steps forward with his hands clasped together, a scowl on his face. “Give your reports quickly, then you may leave. Jace?” 

  


At that, everyone turns to look at Jace, including Simon. Jace looks vaguely annoyed, his heart still racing, and he appears to be trying to discreetly take calming breaths. His whole body is tense, every muscles poised as if he's about to spring. He stares at the ground and talks quietly. 

  


“Nothing to report,” he says, then stops to clear the croak out of his voice. “Adjusting perfectly fine with Maia; we work well together.” 

  


Simon suddenly wants to shout, wants to rail against the tense moment, wants to lash out and kick the chair closest to him - he doesn't because Magnus wouldn't appreciate that. He's immediately pissed because he and Jace worked better than just  _ perfectly fine  _ together; they were freaking awesome, in more ways than one. But Jace doesn't care about that, so Simon refuses to point that out. No, instead, he holds the bitterness he feels close and lets it fuel him instead of the pain. 

  


“Oh, I'm sure you two get on like a house on fire, don't you?” Simon doesn't even recognize his own voice; he sounds  _ so angry.  _ He doesn't care. “Tell me, do you two work as well as you and I did?” 

  


Jace's eyes snap up to his, wide when he realizes that he's being directly spoken to. He looks how Simon sounds and feels. “Oh no, we work  _ better  _ than you and I did,” Jace spits, eyes narrowing. 

  


Maia coughs. “Well, I wouldn't-” 

  


“Well,  _ I'm  _ having a great time with Izzy. I mean, I can't believe we were ever paired together in the first place,” Simon says, tossing a hand up like the idea is something he can't fathom. “Come to think of it, I wish we never had been!” 

  


“Oh, you're fucking telling me,” Jace spits, suddenly coming to life with his angry laugh, peeling away from the wall his fists balled up. “The best thing that has ever happened to me was getting the hell away from  _ you.”  _

  


“Jace!” Clary blurts sharply in reprimand. 

  


Simon waves a hand, bristling as the dull ache in his chest blares into searing pain. “No! No, Clary, let the man speak his truth! Why not, right? Let's all just be honest here. Because the  _ worst  _ thing that's ever happened to me was meeting you!” 

  


“That's  _ enough,  _ Simon,” Alec barks sharply, eyes sparking in anger.

  


“Oh, yeah?” Jace gives a sharp laugh, his smile harsh and wide. He paces closer and it's only Raphael's hand on his shoulder that stops him. “Well, if we're being honest here, let's talk about how you weren't saying those words a month ago! In fact, you-” 

  


“Jace,” Clary hisses sharply, “stop!” 

  


Jace just shakes his head. “No, I'm just getting started. I mean, Simon's all about honesty all of a sudden, isn't he? Well, go ahead, tell everyone how I was the worst thing that happened to you when-” 

  


“Shut up!” Simon shouts, darting forward without thinking, and the  _ only  _ reason he doesn't peel Raphael away from Jace and follow through is because Magnus is suddenly there, standing in his path with his hands sparking. “Move! No,  _ move,  _ I'm not joking. If Adonis over there wants to be  _ honest,  _ then I'll show him freaking-” 

  


Magnus cuts him off. “Simon,  _ stop.  _ I don't know what's going on, but you and Jace need to resolve your differences. We can't have this all falling apart simply because you two don't like each other.” 

  


“Oh, haven't you heard?” Jace asks in a would be casual way, lightly pressing against Raphael's hand, staring right at Simon. “The problem isn't that Simon  _ doesn't  _ like me! He does, he likes me  _ plenty.”  _

  


The insinuation is enough to make Simon see red. Jace's heart is still racing, the pound of it thundering in Simon's ears. They're both so  _ angry,  _ and Simon doesn't even know why. Well, Simon knows why he's pissed - it's because he's hurt and not thinking straight - but Jace? He's as keyed up as Simon, but that doesn't make  _ any  _ sense. But Simon doesn't stop to examine that, just retorts with the first words that enter his brain. 

  


“Yeah, I like you, right on your freaking  _ knees.”  _

  


_ “Jesus,”  _ Maia hisses. 

  


“Well,” Meliorn hums, sounding amused, “this is an interesting development, isn't it?” 

  


Jace freezes for all about two seconds, then he comes right back to it. Without missing a beat, he kisses the air, his lips puckering prettily, and he shifts forward. “What was it you said?  _ Pretty?  _ Right! Can't get over me, Simon? I figured it'd be easier, since I'm the worst thing that's ever happened to you! For someone who wasn't invested, you sure-” 

  


“Invested?  _ Me?”  _ Simon nearly pushes Magnus out of the way, shame and anger coiling low in his gut, swirling and making him feel sick. “You're the one who left, not me!  _ You're  _ the one who made the choice,  _ you're  _ the one decided to become my biggest regret, and that isn't on  _ me.  _ You have no idea how much I wish-” Simon physically jerks back, the words getting caught in his throat. He goes very still and the whole room seems to hold its breath. Simon huffs a harsh laugh. “You know what? I'm not doing this with you; it's  _ genuinely  _ not worth my time. Alec, nothing to report. Izzy can fill you in on anything else.  _ Don't  _ call me tonight.” 

  


Simon waits all of two seconds. He gets to see Jace's cheek jump in anger, gets to hear Alec sigh heavily, and can see the plain surprise on multiple different faces around the room. But other than that, he waits for no change. Without saying anything else, he whirls around and darts out of the room, slamming the door behind him as he runs home. 

  


He locks himself in the boathouse and tugs his phone out of his pocket when it starts ringing. He cuts it off and tosses it clear across the room, instantly regretting it when the phone shatters against the wall and lands to the ground with a dull thunk. At the sight of it, all of Simon's anger drains out of him and leaves him feeling sore. 

  


The broken remains of his dead phone mock him, like nothing more than a metaphor for his and Jace's time together. As quick as one mistake, it's over and in pieces. Just like that, just that easy. 

  


Simon walks over to his broken phone and gingerly picks up the shattered pieces of it. It's broken and useless now, much like he feels, much like he and Jace are. He feels as if he's been put through the wringer and the ache in his chest is back to being something he can't ignore. As he sits the pieces of his phone on the bedside table, Simon tells himself a long stream of lies. 

  


He crawls into bed, flops into the pillows, pretends that he isn't still sleeping on the side he never used to before that  _ one  _ time Jace had made him. He closes his eyes and tells himself he's not crying, even though he can taste his tears as they fall. 

  


He tells himself over and over that it's okay, that it's going to get easier. Tomorrow, he'll get a new phone, he'll delete Jace's number, he'll get rid of every single thing that reminds him of Jace. That will make him lose over half his stuff, but he'll do it anyway. 

  


The only thing he can't get rid of is his heart and that thing is just a useless organ that refuses to do its job. No, it only seems to come alive when Jace is around, and it must hate Simon because dead or not, it doesn't seem to want to get rid of Jace at all. 

  


_ Fake it 'til you make it,  _ he thinks miserably as he drifts off into fitful sleep. 

  
  
  


* * *

**  
**

  
  


Three days later, Clary and Izzy get him to unlock his door and let them in. He doesn't want to, but they're persistent and he knows he can't avoid everyone forever. 

  


The first thing Clary says is, “Why didn't you tell me, Simon? You  _ know  _ I would have been here for you.” 

  


Simon watches Izzy slowly circle his space, not directly looking at him, her heels clicking as she walks in a slow circle. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't  _ slightly  _ terrified of her. Jace is her brother, so when it comes to him, she's willing to fight any one of his enemies. Which apparently includes Simon. 

  


“I know,” Simon mumbles, clearing his throat when Izzy turns to look at him with her arms crossed. “It's just that- well, it's not like it's easy to believe, and the whole thing is complicated, and I- I kinda promised him that I wouldn't… before.” 

  


“But Alec knew,” Clary says seriously. 

  


Simon chews his lip. “Remember that day you came over with Alec, looking for Jace because he'd basically disappeared?” 

  


“Yeah, you had your hookup over.” Clary's frown slowly melts away, eyes wide. “Oh my god, it was  _ Jace.  _ That's why Alec freaked out when he leaned in and saw someone.” 

  


“Yeah,” Simon says with a frown. “We'd just- it was the first time he ever stayed over. I dunno, that was the last time we talked before the other night. He told me that we were- that it was over.” 

  


“So, you two were dating in secret?” Izzy asks slowly, tilting her head. 

  


Simon's eyes bulge. “What? No, g- no! It was just sex, it was always just sex.” 

  


“But you told me it was a bad breakup,” Clary argues with a small frown. 

  


“For him,” Simon clarifies, his shoulders dropping as he sighs heavily. “It was always just sex  _ for him.”  _

  


Clary sucks in a deep breath through her teeth, grimacing in sympathy. “Oh, Simon, you  _ didn't.”  _

  


“Yeah, I did,” Simon confirms with a hollow laugh, staring down at his lap. “Just like me, right? I  _ knew  _ it was a bad idea and I  _ still  _ messed around and fell for him, even when he made it clear that it wasn't like that. Simon Lewis, the guy who's cursed to always feel the sharp sting of unrequited love. Yay!”

  


“He told you that he didn't feel the same?” Izzy asks, narrowing her eyes and considering him shrewdly. 

  


Simon shrugs weakly. “I mean, he didn't- he didn't really  _ have  _ to. We both knew it was just sex, I just couldn't keep it together. And then, out of nowhere, he just… ended it.” 

  


Izzy hums. “Did you two really… you know?” 

  


“Yeah. All of it.” 

  


Clary looks baffled. “I can't believe we didn't notice. I mean, you guys weren't obvious at all.” 

  


“No, we were,” Simon corrects with a snort. “No one expected it though, which is fair. I mean, look at him, look at me. And we didn't seem to like each other, even if we worked well as a team. It was kinda annoying that everyone seemed to think we hated each other though.” 

  


Izzy sighs softly, moving over to the bed to sink down beside him and grab his hand. “Okay, first of all, you're very handsome and a great man; anyone would be lucky to have you.  _ Second,  _ my brother is a very complicated person. What you think about what  _ he  _ thinks is almost always wrong. I think you two should talk about this.” 

  


“Yeah, that's never going to happen.” Simon shakes his head and swallows. “Not only does he despise me again for whatever reason, but now I've basically outed him in front of his family and friends. I can't come back from that.”

  


Clary tsks. “What are you talking about? We all knew Jace was bisexual. He told us  _ weeks  _ ago. That night we all went to Hunter's Moon to celebrate, he just slammed his glass down and said he had book club. I teased him about some girl and he looked at all of us said,  _ “it's a guy, actually,”  _ and waited for us to react. We were all really cool about it.” 

  


Simon frowns. “But Alec didn't know? That morning, when he popped up, Jace seemed really worried about Alec finding out.” 

  


“Because Alec was at the bar getting a drink for Magnus,” Izzy replies easily, lips twitching. “He made the rest of us swear not to tell Alec, which is fair. Alec is his parabatai; he wanted to tell him on his own.” 

  


“Still, Jace hates me,” Simon insists with a deep sigh of sadness. “We almost got into a serious fight the very first time we saw each other after breaking off… whatever it was we were doing.” 

  


“Men are so stupid,” Clary mutters, rolling her eyes. 

  


Izzy just chuckles. “Aren't they? Simon, if you've never listened to anything I've ever said before, listen to me now, okay? Go to Jace, talk to him,  _ explain.  _ My brother may seem unreasonable and tough, but he's actually very soft and understanding. Even  _ if  _ he doesn't feel the same way, he'll feel better knowing why you're so upset, and it will give you both the closure you need.” 

  


Simon swallows and meets her eyes. “What if- what if I don't want the closure? I don't want things to just be…  _ over.  _ I know they are, I just- I can't let him go.” 

  


Clary leans her head over on his shoulder and sighs softly. “You always love so,  _ so  _ hard. Anything that leaves has metaphorical claw marks on it.” 

  


“I know,” Simon whispers, blinking against the sting in his eyes.  _ “I know.”  _

  


“Simon,” Izzy says gently, reaching up to cup his cheek, “you'll both feel better for it. I know you're scared and I know it hurts, but you can't just walk around feeling like this all the time, and neither can he. Do both of you a favor and make peace.”

  


Simon gives a wet chuckle. “That's fair, but first… I need to go get a new phone.” 

  


Simon points to the mangled remains of his broken one and both girls just sigh softly, both mourning the obvious happenstance that got his phone to that point. They're not stupid, they know how much this eats him up inside, and they both don't hide their pity and despair. They look at him like they think his life is an endless loop of tragedy. 

  


Simon can relate. 

  
  
  


* * *

  


  
  


The girl behind the counter is really cute. She's got short, cropped hair and warm brown eyes. She also smiles with confidence and flirts without shame. 

  


Simon has a type. 

  


Simon  _ also  _ can't make himself take the chance. It's not fair to her if he does, because he's in love with someone else. It's not fair to himself if he does, because he's essentially just a mess at this point. But he likes the way she touches his arm, the way she smiles, and the way she suggests things. 

  


“Well, Simon,” she says lightly, “all of your things from your old phone is switching over as we speak. It's a good thing your SD card wasn't damaged. What happened to your phone anyway?” 

  


Simon's smile is more of a wince. “Ah, that's a long story. But um, I like the new phone a lot!” 

  


The girl - her name tag says Jenny - chuckles in blatant amusement. “Well, I can't say I'm too sorry about your old phone.” She winks. “It brought you in here today, so I'm actually pretty thankful.” 

  


“Ha, well my pocket is going to be sorry,” Simon admits with a nervous laugh. 

  


Jenny's smile turns sharp. “Hey, maybe we can work out a discount. I mean, you  _ are  _ a loyal customer; you've been using this provider for years. Plus, friends get a discount.” 

  


“Oh,” Simon chokes out, his eyes going wide, “I- I wasn't aware we were friends.” 

  


“Well, we  _ can  _ be,” Jenny murmurs, leaning forward to smile at him playfully. “I mean, I have your number right here. If you gave me permission to program it in my phone, I think that would make us friends, don't you?” 

  


And  _ wow,  _ she's actually really pretty and very interested. Literally a few months ago, he would have been blown away and excited by this. She stares at him expectantly and Simon thinks about it; he really does, because this could be fate, because this could be the one he gets over Jace with, because his heart doesn't beat, but it throbs Jace's name in his chest every second that passes. Expect, before he can make a decision, a hand presses to the small of his back and a body leans against him. He knows who it is immediately, even before they talk. 

  


“That won't be necessary.” 

  


Simon's head whips around to stare wide-eyed at Jace, who has a perfectly polite smile on his face, his eyes focused on Jenny. Jace is warm against him, his hand pressing in and pulling Simon closer. 

  


“I'll be paying for us both,” Jace continues easily, lifting his free hand to drop his own mangled phone on the counter. “You wouldn't believe it, but I dropped it  _ again.  _ Do you still have the kind I like in the back, Jenny?” 

  


Jenny's face lights up in a friendly way. “Oh, hey, Jace! Haven't seen you in nearly a month. Yeah, we still got the phone you like. You and Simon know each other then?” 

  


Jace smiles, gentle and pretty and perfect. “Yeah, I'd hope so,” he teases. “Simon's my boyfriend.” 

  


Simon's stomach clenches. 

  


“Oh! Oh my- shit, I am  _ so  _ sorry,” Jenny blurts, her eyes going wide. “I was totally hitting on your boyfriend, Jace, I had no idea.”

  


“Don't worry about it.” Jace laughs calmly, charmingly. “I get it, I mean,  _ obviously.  _ So, the phone?” 

  


Jenny gives a weak smile. “Yeah, I'll- yeah. Just give me one second. Oh man, this is so embarrassing. You're  _ both  _ getting a discount.” 

  


“No need,” Jace tells her as she pulls away from the counter and starts towards the back. 

  


“Don't tell me not to, I am!” Jenny calls over her shoulder before disappearing into the back. 

  


The moment the door swings shut behind her, Jace's expression drops into a scowl and he pulls away from Simon as if he'd rather be anywhere else. Nothing about the exchange adds up in Simon's head and he just gapes at Jace in astonishment. 

  


“What- what are you doing here?” Simon hisses, leaning towards Jace with his jaw clenched. 

  


Jace shoots him a sharp look. “My phone was… broken, much like yours I'm guessing. I didn't know you had the same provider as me.” 

  


“It's a small world,” Simon snaps, reaching over to pinch Jace's arm. “So, what, I'm your  _ boyfriend  _ now? I thought getting away from me was the best thing that ever happened to you?” 

  


“You looked like you were floundering with Jenny,” Jace says simply, as if that answers Simon's question, which it doesn't  _ at all.  _

  


Simon still has his hand on Jace's arm, having stopped pinching him when he realizes that it did not hurt in the least. Jace's eyes flick to his hand, then away, his throat working. Simon can hear his heart slowly start picking up speed, like a steady drum beating faster and faster. Simon takes a deep breath and focuses. 

  


“You're an asshole and you're  _ not  _ buying my phone and you're going to tell Jenny that we're not together,” Simon blurts out in a stern hiss. 

  


Jace arches an eyebrow at him.  _ “You're  _ annoying and  _ I am  _ buying your phone and if you want Jenny to know, you'll tell her  _ yourself.”  _

  


Simon wrenches his hand back. “Fine.  _ Fine.  _ Buy my phone, save me the money, and I  _ will  _ tell Jenny. And I'm going to give her my number too!” 

  


Simon goes to turn back to the counter to prepare himself to do just that, even with the ache in his chest. He's  _ pissed,  _ he can't help it. Jace can't just march in and do things like this as if they mean nothing, not when Simon  _ wants  _ it to be true. 

  


Jace makes a small sound in the back of his throat, a cross between a grunt and a groan, and he claps a hand on Simon's shoulder. Simon opens his mouth to say something rude, but Jace just whirls him around, presses close, and kisses him. 

  


They're in the middle of a phone store, both replacing the phones they smashed, and there are people milling around the shop. Kids are running around, teens are complaining about the phones they actually want, and there are three people standing in line behind them. The moment Jace kisses him, everyone else ceases to exist. 

  


Simon fists one hand in the front of Jace's shirt while his other braces against the counter, hanging on for dear life as he goes through the absolute maddening feeling of being knocked off his feet. Jace has both hands on his face, holding him still, and he kisses Simon with searing intensity. 

  


Simon would like to say he doesn't immediately give in, but he sags into the kiss with a little whimper and closes his eyes, losing himself to it instantly. 

  


It's as if not a day has passed since they last did this, since they  _ first  _ did this. Simon knows why it's so easy to be in love with Jace; every touch, every kiss, feels like the very first one and also as if they do it every single day. It's like being on vacation at home, and it's so fucking  _ unfair  _ that he wants to stomp his feet and screech at the heavens for daring to curse him like this.  _ Nothing  _ in the world is supposed to be like this; these things and feelings are reserved for movies and music and poems alone, not  _ them.  _

  


“Okay, got it!” 

  


As sudden as it started, it stops. Jace pulls away from Simon and turns to Jenny with an easy smile. He looks completely unaffected while Simon's knees feel weak. But Simon can hear his heart racing, can feel his fingers tight around his hip, can see how he blinks as if he's being smacked back to earth. 

  


“Great,” Jace chirps. He jerks his chin to his broken phone. “My SD card is shot, but I know you keep my backup in your drawer.” 

  


Jenny chuckles, looking at Simon in blatant amusement. “This guy! He's in here nearly every month with a broken phone. He says he's a real clutz, but it's so bad we have a backup SD card on file for him. We're  _ technically  _ not supposed to, but he's a loyal customer, so we made an exception.” 

  


Simon smiles weakly. “He, uh, leads a very active life,” he croaks, well aware that Jace's phone gets broken because of a fight most of the time. 

  


“It shows,” Jenny teases, winking at Simon pointedly, clearly praising him on snagging Jace as a boyfriend. She's already getting Jace's phone set up, humming as she does her job. “So, you two are awfully cute; how'd you meet?” 

  


Jace hums quietly. “Craziest thing, we both had a crush on the same girl.” 

  


“Oh? Now,  _ that's  _ adorable,” Jenny says with a wide smile. “Let me guess, she was just the middleman?” 

  


Simon swallows as Jace shakes his head. “Nah, we both really loved her, but it wasn't right.” 

  


“And then, it  _ was  _ when you two got together, right?” Jenny asks brightly, looking right at Simon. Jace stares at Simon too, waiting. 

  


“Right,” Simon rasps. 

  


Jace smirks. “Right,” he agrees smugly. 

  


Jenny laughs happily. “A love made for movies, that's just too cute! Okay guys, I hate to see you go, but I've got your phones set up for you.” 

  


Simon is disconnected after that. He's distantly aware of Jace paying for them both, of Jenny passing him his new one, of them saying their goodbyes. He doesn't really come back to himself until Jace has pulled him out of the store and starts leading them towards the donut shop right next door. 

  


“Where are we going?” Simon asks quietly. 

  


“I could go for coffee,” Jace replies simply. 

  


By all means, this  _ should  _ be where they part. This should be where Simon gets angry all over again and pulls back. This should be where Jace makes it clear that they never have been and never will be together and sends Simon away. This should be where Simon leaves because he can't drink coffee, because Jace doesn't need him around to get it, because they don't have a reason to stay. 

  


Instead, Jace's hand eases down his arm, threads their fingers together, and Simon lets himself be pulled into the line in the donut shop. Jace doesn't drop his hand, just holds on a little too tight, and keeps his face blank. They stand shoulder to shoulder in line, connected by their hands, and Simon's mind is just one big hopeful question mark. Jace's heart beats loud and proud into the silence. 

  


Jace tells the woman in the apron what he wants, smiling charmingly as he does. He orders a black coffee and a small muffin. His order comes out pretty much immediately, so Jace passes the muffin to Simon and lifts his own coffee. That leaves them free to continue to hold hands, and Simon is sure if his palm could be sweating, it would be. 

  


Jace steers him over to the little stand where people can make up their own coffee and does that for his own with one hand. He doesn't drop Simon's, even if it would be a lot easier to do so. Then, once his coffee is made, Jace leads them to a small table with two chairs on each side. This time, he drops Simon's hand, his now empty fingers curling into a fist, and he watches Simon slowly sit down with a small frown that Simon doesn't understand. 

  


Simon opens his mouth to say how confused he is, but what falls out of his mouth is, “I miss you.” 

  


“What?” Jace slowly lowers his coffee from where he was about to take a sip. He blinks. 

  


“I just- I miss you,” Simon admits, staring down at the table with a frown. “I miss you all the time, and- and not just the sex, but  _ you.  _ And I don't know what to do with that.”

  


Jace stares at him. “I didn't expect to see you today.” 

  


“I didn't expect to see you either. It's crazy that both of our phones got… broken, and that we both use the same provider, and that we both went to the same store. I know- I  _ understand  _ that you're mad at me after what I said at Magnus’ loft. I was going to apologize when I next saw you, but I- I didn't expect it to be today.” 

  


“Funny, I was going to… not apologize - I don't really do that - but I was going to make you not be mad about what I said.” 

  


Simon snorts, can't help it. “You can't make someone stop being mad at you, Jace. You  _ have  _ to apologize to garner some kind of forgiveness.” 

  


“I didn't a few minutes ago,” Jace replies slowly, his eyes fixated on Simon's face. “When you were mad about Jenny, I didn't apologize and you stopped being mad about that.” 

  


“That's- that doesn't count.” Simon is  _ so  _ glad he can't blush. His lips still tingle. “You caught me off guard. Give me a second and keep talking, I'll be back to being mad momentarily.” 

  


Jace's lips curl up. “I'll just kiss you again.” 

  


“You can't  _ just-  _ that's not fair, that's mean.” 

  


“I'm irresistible.” 

  


“I hate you,” Simon says firmly, his hands shaking as he pushes the muffin around the table. 

  


“No, you don't,” Jace murmurs, leaning forward to catch Simon's eyes, his gaze steady and so  _ fond.  _

  


Simon closes his eyes for a moment, swallowing thickly. He turns his face away, forcing himself to look away as he takes a deep breath. His stomach clenches and squirms with nerves, his whole body twitches at weird intervals, and he feels like he's about to burst out of his own skin. Jace waits, doesn't say a word. Simon blows out a deep breath, his cheeks blowing up as he does it. Then, he forces himself to look back at Jace. 

  


“No, I don't,” he agrees softly. 

  


Jace frowns, his eyebrows crumbling together as he stares at Simon in confusion. Simon's skin itches as Jace sweeps his gaze over him. He waits for Jace to get it, waits for him to read the truth that Simon's blatantly saying with his body and not words. It takes him a moment, but when Jace gets it, he sits back in the chair with his eyebrows raised. 

  


“Oh,” Jace says, blinking, “you  _ really  _ don't.” 

  


Simon wants to crawl in a whole and die all over again. “Don't- it's not a big deal, okay? I- I didn't  _ mean to.  _ It just- it happened, and I can't make it go away, and I'm sorry.” 

  


“Wow,” Jace mutters, shaking his head. 

  


“Look, I know we kind of agreed not to- well, it went unsaid that it was just-  _ just sex.  _ And I tried, okay? But then, I got to know you and I liked you and I couldn't help it.” 

  


“You really are an idiot.” 

  


“I know that,” Simon snaps, shoving the muffin away and crossing his arms. “I know, okay? I know you aren't- you  _ don't  _ feel the same, and I'm okay with that. This is just why I've been so… tense. But there, it's out there, you know, we can go back to acting like nothing happened and also  _ never  _ fight like we did a few days ago. So. We're okay now.” 

  


“No, we're not,” Jace replies a little forcefully, pushing his coffee to the side and leaning forward on his elbows. “Simon, answer me this. Did you ever consider in that stupid brain of yours that maybe,  _ just maybe,  _ I feel the same?” 

  


Simon blinks. “Uh… no?” 

  


“And why not?” 

  


“Because… well, because you don't. You're  _ you,  _ and I'm a great guy, but you made it pretty clear that it was just sex.” 

  


“Who knows me in this world better than anyone, Simon?” Jace asks slowly, like Simon's the biggest idiot who died and came back to life. 

  


“Alec.” 

  


“Right. And what did Alec say when he found out?” 

  


“He said- well, he said you had a- a crush,” Simon replies awkwardly, his hands sliding down to grip the edges of the table. “But he was wrong. He didn't- he wasn't aware of what we were doing.” 

  


“What were we doing? And don't say we were  _ just _ having sex. Seriously, at the bare bones of the situation, what were we doing?” 

  


“I- I mean, we met up every few days to- to have sex or just… talk, or both. And we fought demons together a lot. I dunno, I kinda think we started to become friends there for a minute.” 

  


Jace spreads his hands. “Simon, at the bare bones, to sum it up, we couldn't leave each other alone.  _ I  _ couldn't leave well enough alone, and  _ you  _ weren't stopping me, and  _ we  _ were doing more than just having sex. And you know it.” 

  


The table creaks as Simon squeezes the edges hard enough to bend them in slightly. There's a lump forming in his throat as he stares at Jace with wide eyes. His body can't react how it wants to and it almost hurts. Jace sighs and leans forward to reach over and peels Simon's fingers off the table. 

  


“So when I- when I told Alec that it was just sex, you were-” 

  


“Rightfully pissed.” 

  


“Right,” Simon croaks, a little delirious laugh rising in his chest. “Why didn't you  _ say something?”  _

  


Jace rolls his eyes, snorting as his hands press Simon's down to the tabletop, warm palms covering the back of his fingers. “Yeah, because that seemed like a good idea to say with you insisting that it was just an experiment. You literally not-fucked me, held me while we slept, and then acted like it wasn't a big deal. I wasn't exactly jumping at the chance to tell you I was having a hard time keeping my  _ stupid  _ feelings in check.” 

  


Simon wheezes out a shocked exhale. “Holy shit,  _ I  _ was the asshole the whole time.” 

  


“Yeah,” Jace agrees, lips twitching, “you were. Imagine that, you being a bigger asshole than me. Trust me, I was surprised too.” 

  


“So. Okay.” Simon swallows and flips his hands up to grasp Jace's wrists tight, watching his light brown eyebrows raise up. “Just to- just so I'm clear, you have  _ stupid  _ feelings for me, and we can have sex all the time again?” 

  


Jace huffs a quiet laugh. “If that's how you ask girls out, I know why you're single.” 

  


Simon's eyes bulge. “We can date? You'd actually- oh my g-  _ shit,  _ you'd date me?” 

  


“You're so  _ dumb,”  _ Jace breathes, shaking his head as his lips curl up so,  _ so  _ beautifully. “Yes, Simon, that's kind of the whole point of this conversation. You're confessing your undying love for me and I'm explaining that I like you well enough.” 

  


“I do,” Simon blurts out, fingers digging into the pulse at each of Jace's wrists. “Love you, I mean. I do that. Now, right now.” 

  


Jace blinks, and it's like Simon can suddenly  _ see.  _ Where he used to think that Jace didn't have a care in the world, not about  _ this,  _ it shifts into focus just how much this affects him. It's like someone slid glasses on Simon's face once again, unblurring everything he couldn't see before. 

  


Jace's heart starts racing, his lips part, and his thick swallow is audible. Simon feels as if he's been kicked right in the chest as he comes to the sudden realization that Jace wants him as much as he wants Jace, that he's been like this the  _ whole time.  _ Simon has no idea how he couldn't see it before. 

  


“I hate you a little less than everyone else,” Jace finally manages to rasp out, his heart  _ thump, thumping  _ wildly in his chest. 

  


Simon smiles wide. “Guess what this shirt is made out of?” he asks lifting one hand to point to his own shirt, then laying it right back over Jace's wrist. 

  


Jace blinks, looking confused. “Uh… cotton?” 

  


“No, it's made out of boyfriend material,” Simon corrects, clicking his teeth and winking. 

  


“That's the worst thing I've ever heard,” Jace replies with a groan, looking embarrassed  _ for  _ Simon. 

  


“I can get a lot worse, so agree to date me, and it will stay at this level,” Simon says in mock-seriousness, nodding sagely like this is serious business indeed. 

  


Jace huffs a laugh. “Anything to avoid worse than that. Is this how you ask people out? You've  _ got  _ to work on that because it's horrendous.” 

  


“I don't have to work on it, actually.” Simon stares right at Jace, beaming. “I'm already taken, so I don't have to go through the trouble.” 

  


“You're the biggest dork and I  _ really  _ want to get you alone, so can we go?” 

  


“Thought you'd never ask.” 

  
  
  


* * *

  


  
  
  


“Seriously? Jace,  _ again?  _ Come on!” 

  


Simon stifles a laugh as Jace peels away from him, blinking rapidly. Alec looks completely disgusted, but he's also smiling, and Simon doesn't know how his face makes all those expressions. Seriously, his eyebrows alone have their own language. 

  


“Right,” Jace says sheepishly, clearing his throat as he presses Simon's shirt back into place. “We weren't- he just had something on him.” 

  


Alec rolls his eyes and flicks a finger between them pointedly.  _ “This  _ is why I denied the request for you two to be partners again.” 

  


“Shut up, you're just as bad with Magnus,” Jace gripes sullenly, crossing his arms. 

  


“Hence the reason Magnus and I  _ aren't  _ partners. Now, come on, get back to scouting or I will have you separated,” Alec says seriously. 

  


Simon gives him a two-finger salute. “Sure thing, boss. We totally won't be making out behind this tree as soon as you walk away.” 

  


Jace snorts, then presses his lips into a thin line and rearranges his face into something serious when Alec glares between them. 

  


“Alright, Simon, you're with me,” Alec states firmly, turning to Magnus with a sigh. “Please go with Jace.”

  


Magnus’ lips twitch. “Yes, darling. Yell if you need me and don't forget to light the flare.” 

  


Alec's face softens. In fact, everything about him softens. He leans down and presses a short kiss to Magnus’ lips. Well, Simon's sure he  _ means  _ for it to be short, but it stretches out between them. When they break apart, Simon and Jace both stare at him pointedly. Alec huffs. 

  


“Shut up.” Alec turns away and marches in the direction of the other point on the perimeter, waving Simon to follow him. 

  


Simon just lightly smacks a kiss to Jace's cheek, which Jace wrinkles his nose at, and bounds off after Alec while Magnus shakes his head in amusement. He falls into step with Alec, staring up at the condemned building the vampires are hiding in. 

  


“I wonder if they'll listen to Raphael,” Simon mumbles quietly, suddenly serious as he twists his fingers nervously. 

  


“Probably not,” Alec replies with a sigh, lips twisting grimly. “From what I gather, they'd rather take their chances with us than give themselves up to the Clave. Unless Raphael can do anything…” 

  


“I don't know, Raphael is pretty scary.” 

  


“Let's hope they think that.” 

  


Simon hums, coming to a halt as they reach the other corner they have to wait at. “Hey, Alec, can I ask you something?” 

  


“I'd rather you didn't.” 

  


“No, I'm serious.” 

  


“I guess.” Alec sighs again, turning to look at him with an arched eyebrow. “What is it?” 

  


“Do you approve? Of me and Jace, I mean,” Simon says, trying not to show how nervous he is. 

  


Alec frowns. “Does it matter?” 

  


“It kinda does. He loves you; your opinion matters to him, so it matters to me. Jace didn't say it, but when you denied our request to be partners, it kind of hurt his feelings. Don't tell him I told you that.” 

  


“I denied you because you two can't keep your hands off each other, much like me and Magnus, which can be dangerous on mission.” 

  


Simon bites his lip for a moment. “Okay, I- I get that. I just- look, there's going to come a day that me and him either take the next big step, or we break it off. One day, we'll have to face the fact that this is serious, and when we  _ do,  _ I'm going straight to Clary with my panic. But Jace? He's coming to you.” 

  


“You worried I'll tell him to run while he still has a chance?” Alec asks in faint amusement. 

  


“No. Okay, a little bit. But I'm more worried that you don't like me, that you don't approve of us, and he'll get hurt for it. What you think means a lot to him. When that day comes that we look down the barrel of the seriousness of what we're doing, we  _ will  _ be fine after. This is it for me;  _ he's _ it for me. And I don't want him to have to live with the fact that his parabatai hates the person he loves.” 

  


“You've given this a lot of thought, haven't you?” 

  


Simon tosses his hands up. “Seriously? I say all  _ that,  _ and that's all you have to say? Dude, I practiced that speech in the mirror.” 

  


“Simon,” Alec says slowly, rolling his eyes, “I don't hate you. Do you get on my nerves? Absolutely. Do you make my brother happy? Strangely enough,  _ yes.  _ So, as long as you're not hurting him and you're making him happy, I'll approve.” 

  


“Really?” Simon asks, face brightening. 

  


“Don't be insufferable about it,” Alec warns, narrowing his eyes, “but yes.” 

  


Simon opens his mouth to be insufferable about it when the faint sounds of a flare  _ pop, hissing  _ grabs his attention. Suddenly completely serious, Simon whirls around to watch a red light raise in the sky and dissipate. That's the signal. 

  


“Looks like it came from-” 

  


“Magnus and Jace.” 

  


Simon swallows. “Come on.” 

  


Alec doesn't have to be told twice. He dashes off and Simon sprints after him. He only hangs back because he doesn't want to leave Alec open to attack. They're not too far off, so it doesn't take too much time to get back where they'd just left. 

  


When they come up on the scene, everyone else is already there. Maia, in her werewolf form, growls and tackles down a vampire as it moves towards Clary, viciously ripping its throat out. Magnus’ magic lights the area as he fights, and Meliorn twists and flips around to keep him from being touched. Jace and Izzy are fighting side by side while Raphael blurs in front of the vampires that try to get them from the back. Simon digs out his daggers and Alec docks an arrow, both of them shifting together to throw themselves into the fray. 

  


After, when the last vampire turns to dust with a screech, Simon thinks about something really hard. 

  


“You okay?” Jace asks, panting as he straightens up. “You look like you're having a brain aneurysm.” 

  


Simon rolls his eyes. “Thanks, love you too. No, I was just thinking. Do you guys realize that all of us are like one machine, one unit, and we all just make up individual parts of it?” 

  


Clary snorts. “Oh god, here we go.” 

  


“Shut up, Fray, I'm not joking,” Simon says seriously, frowning at them. “I mean, just  _ look  _ at us. We took out a whole nest together without even having to work that hard.” 

  


“Says you,” Magnus mutters, leaning into Alec with a little huff. 

  


“Guys, we're- we're a  _ family,”  _ Simon blurts in awe, blinking rapidly.

  


Raphael arches an eyebrow. “Now, let's not get hasty, fledgling.” 

  


Simon flaps a hand. “No, stop being all prickly, I'm not letting this go. We're totally a family! Like, we fight together, we are  _ all  _ close in our own ways, and we're a core group. It's always us. In a crowded room, we migrate together. We're a family.” 

  


“Well, of course,” Izzy agrees, like she's already figured this out. “What did you think we were? What, just colleagues?” 

  


“Well,  _ some _ of us have wanted nothing more than a family for awhile,” Simon croaks, blinking rapidly as he curls his arms around himself and stares at the ground. 

  


He forces himself not to look up at all of them. It's not just some. They all want a place they belong, a family that will accept them, people who will care about them for them and nothing else. 

  


Maia, who's always felt so alone in this world after being abandoned into it. Clary, who's had her family ripped from her in so many different ways. Raphael, who people don't ever stop to get to know. Magnus, who's lived for centuries and never got to have his own family. Meliorn, who's a great fighter and has only his queen to claim. Alec, who's been terrified to accept himself in fear of everyone else turning him away. Izzy, who's wanted people to care about her and need her in their lives. 

  


Simon, who was thrown into this world without doing a damn thing wrong. Who's taken every hit life has smacked him with and gotten right back up. Who's mundane family can never know him, not the real him. Who's wanted people to call his own since he lost every single thing else. 

  


And Jace. He's arguably the one who aches for a family the most. He aches for a family worth having, one that doesn't hurt him at every turn, one that doesn't make him feel like he's horrible for being involved with them. Jace has a family with the Lightwoods, but this is something else entirely. 

  


“Yeah, Simon,” Clary says gently, her smile soft and sweet, “we're a family.” 

  


“A family,” Alec declares seriously, his eyes uncharacteristically soft, “who needs to go home and get some rest before debriefing tomorrow.” 

  


No one says anything else. Maia pads over to a tree and turns back with her usual soundtrack of sickening cracks and groans. There's a rustling as she gets dressed and steps back around, moving forward to stand beside Izzy and Clary. Izzy smiles and links each of her arms through theirs. Alec keeps Magnus pulled into his side as they begin strolling with the girls. Meliorn silently offers his arm to Raphael, smirking when Raphael sighs and hooks his hand over his elbow. 

  


Jace quirks a small smile, waving Simon over and linking their fingers together. They start walking with their family, hands swinging lightly between them. Technically, none of them need to be walking together or even walking at all. Magnus could make a portal if he really wants to, but no one says a word. They all just walk together for no other reason than because they want to. 

  


Simon turns to look at Jace, his lips curling up. 

  


Jace is, without a doubt, the single handedly most amazing person Simon has ever had the pleasure of knowing. He's snarky, confident, and has so much depth. When he's not smiling fondly, he's looking at Simon as if he's worth  _ everything. _ He's the best.

  


Simon  _ desperately  _ loves him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed the story as much as I enjoyed writing it! Thank you so much for reading. Don't hesitate to drop off some kudos and please leave a comment; I do so love them! 
> 
> Ta!
> 
> -SOBS


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